ISOPIA
Realism [+3]
I really enjoyed seeing how well you incorporated your GLL sickness into this fight, though I would have liked to see more adverse affects from it rather than just the pros and cons of the thermal vision ti granted - for instance being more winded from it, coughing, feeling more weak etc. I felt it played a huge part in this fight though which I loved to see!
“...for even though her mind told her that his body would be roughly the same temperature as her own, seeing the permeating pulses of bright orange flickering across his muscular chest caused her to be irrationally defensive.”

Your attacks and defenses were all solid strategies, and I liked how well you utilized the terrain to do so, especially in that second post. You incorporated stat differences throughout the fight and I thought you took good injuries - though that last post almost seemed a bit much. I liked that you ended with an overall exhaustion that felt fitting for all she’d gone through. Overall great job!


Emotion [+2.5]
I definitely felt I understood why Isopia was acting the way she was during the whole fight. Although she isn’t an overly emotional character to begin with, the dry academic take she has fills up every bit of your writing making it so solidly her and backing up her motives at every turn that it still really resonates as great emotion.


Prose [+4]
Really beautiful writing all throughout that used great style, flow, and vocabulary.


Readability [+2.5]
Just one small error otherwise very readable with good use of directions and correct punctuation and grammar.

P2:
“...her mere reflect as…” (reflection)


Finally tally: 46.5+(12*2)-10(ending fight not standing)= 60.5 HP


ABRAHAM
Realism [+2]
You had great attack and defenses responses, and I really loved seeing your dragons working together to create some unique attack strategies especially in that second post. I do not think though that a gold would have followed the lead of a white, even with age difference, just given how heavily status plays into dragon lore. I did enjoy however that you had your younger dragon less able to use her magical abilities!

Although you didn’t take much damage this fight, what you did sustain seemed appropriate and I liked how well you involved the sustained injuries in each post. I think at times you focused too much on it, because his damage roll of 2 and his 3 crit miss from the first post shouldn’t have made him quite so lame, that’d be more like a 5 or 6 damage to me. Your last post also made it seem like he injured himself further avoiding Iso’s pillars despite the fact he rolled a 0 damage. I re-read it and it’s passable, but just watch the wording when you are reiterating an old injury versus sustaining further injury. Overall awesome job though and I enjoyed your utilization of the stats differences and some of the terrain!


Emotion [+1]
I felt a sense of Abraham throughout this fight, but it seemed more like I was just being given the surface. I know a lot of this fight dealt with the companions which might have made this more difficult than usual, but that’d be a different emotional area to explore and better show the link between all of them. I felt often that posts were heavy on action with emotion sprinkled in here and there.


Prose [+2.5]
Throughout the fight you had well written posts with some great verbiage and imagery. However I also got a sense that there were a lot of commas and dashes that didn’t seem necessary, and many long sentences, which all disrupted some of the flow for me when reading.


Readability [+2.5]
Overall easy to understand and utilized directional wording for it to make sense. Just some minor grammar issues.

P1:
“Following suite, the monochrome beast lurched forward.” (suit)
“...he felt the impact and sting of colliding with her stone wall send heat and pain to the point of his right shoulder instantly.” (reads awkwardly)
“...Abraham was rodust…” (robust)

P3:
“...of his injured from legs.” (front)
“Their rippling reflects were even….” (reflections)
“... not knowing how the girl could inspect the sign of offense painted so clearly to her on his features.” (reads awkwardly)


Finally tally: 53.5+(8*2)= 69.5 HP