CATHUN
Realism [+1]
Overall you had good attacks, basic and easy to follow, but you never tied in the terrain of breed/stat differences to bring in more realism. Additionally through you explained the fire hitting and hurting you, you didn’t explain to what extent the injuries are which made it difficult to gauge if it was appropriately taken damage - I felt it wasn’t considering right after you were burned you ran forward (after stopping, so you had to catch up to Erebos even) and used your body to ram him, all of which should have been greatly painful to your fresh burns but wasn’t mentioned. You do have greater speed so easily could have mentioned that to help it make more sense as to why he could still accomplish that attack, even freshly injured.


Emotion [+2.5]
Really strong emotions from Cathun all throughout the fight, I never had to guess what was going through his head and I loved seeing how he changed throughout the fight as he gained new motivation and perspective.

Loved this line:
“How had he ever found satisfaction in receiving cuts and bruises, in running until he felt like throwing up or collapsed from fatigue, in pushing every cell in the body until it ached? There was nothing impressive about being in pain, nothing glorious about hurting someone else. What kind of sick game was this? “


Prose [+2.5]
Had good flow, transitions, and imagery throughout. Avoid starting sentences with “but” and “and” however.

Really enjoyed these lines:
“The only fires that burned in the colt were ones lit by unnatural means.”

“...maybe he could pass another few moments of this pointless existence, at least. And Erebos might be grateful enough to remember someone who would soon be gone.”

“Perhaps getting his skull smashed in would be less painful than having his soul consumed by magic fire? Cathun wouldn't know. He had never died before.”


Readability [+2.5]
Overall easy to understand just some minor typos and a few fragments.

P1:
“...to come when another call…” (called)

P2:
“...the skin the scent …” (needs comma)
“... moments had been line.” (like)
“...needles if itch…” (of)


Finally tally: 35+(8.5*2)= 52 HP


EREBOS
Realism [+3.5]
Good responses to attacks with proper damage and injury taken and explained! Your attacks were all plausible and well detailed which made them easy to follow. You didn’t mention terrain or breed/stat differences in your first post but did very well bringing them into your second post.


Emotion [+2]
Although your first post started out with more verbiage than emotion, I really felt your second post was strong and gave a lot of insight into Erebos’ development and motives. I particularly like the utilization of the companion in both posts as Erebos’ devil on his shoulder.


Prose [+2.5]
You have excellent vocabulary and imagery, but your sentences are often very long and broken up which affects the flow of the sentences and the post as a whole. Although run on sentences, comma use, and synonyms are all style choice, they both add and subtract at times. I would suggest varying your sentence length at times to enhance flow.

Really like this line:
“If Cathun had no intention of seizing control or influence, he’d be one less to worry about, one more to step over, a means to an end.”


Readability [+3]
Easy to understand with no grammar issues or typos!


Finally tally: 53+(11*2)= 75 HP