NYX
Realism [3]
Overall, you have a good grasp at battling. It is apparent that you take time to think about your responses carefully, and you know horses to a degree. You know what it takes to be a good fighter, and that means including your character’s history, the differences in breeds and stats between the characters, and the environment. However, I felt those areas all lacking in this spar. You mention them, but simply that—there is no reason given behind them, no implications to this fight right now, and so could merely be seen as a footnote. I suggest really digging into these areas (and emotion) because they can help you discover your characters more deeply.

In post two, you slip into slight powerplay. You write: “Her blunt teeth won't draw blood” in reference to Nyx’s bite. However, what if the dice rolled a huge damage and Tembovu wanted to write the bite as breaking the skin? This—albeit simple—statement really limits your opponent on interpreting damage as they see fit—which is the freedom they should always hold.

I felt you did a good job translating the dice rolls into damage.

Emotion [2.5]
Throughout your fight I really felt Nyx. I liked how she was conflicted with whether or not to lose and sleep with Tembovu, or to win and hold her warrior status over him. Her dialogue had me enticed and still laughing. Excellent job!

Although this does not affect your score, I especially liked this line from your closing defense: “Typical that in normal full-blooded fights she can barely hit a cow's arse with a banjo, but in a friendly spar she manages to break a friggin' bone. Now she's sort of morally obliged to sate his lusts as pennance for her bone-smashing sins, isn't she?”

Prose [3]
Your posts were well thought out and written with a good, unique style. I can tell that you know your character and that your writing really reflects that. There were no noticeable mistakes in your grammar which made reading your posts a joy as well.

Readability [2]
Your posts were easy to read and understand. Following Nyx through her emotional struggle of lust and fighting was beautiful.

Finally tally: 44.5(10.5*2)= 65.5HP


TEMBOVU
Realism [1]
For being a new fighter, I think you have a good grasp on fighting! I definitely encourage you to keep sparring, because you seem to have a natural inclination toward it in your writing. You did a good job of taking the damage of the critical miss onto yourself in regards to the dice rolled. As a whole, really, you did a good job of translating the dice rolls into the damage you took.

However, there were some instances of powerplay. Firstly, in post one you write: “his right facing the clearing and Nyx”. This is problematic because you cannot say for sure that Nyx is still in that same position—she had plenty of time to move. The other instance of powerplay was in post two, when you write: “Though the force behind his teeth is not enough to break the skin”. This is powerplay the same reason as Nyx was knocked off for it—it limits your opponents response. The dice are not always in favor of what you write. Your opponent also has the total freedom to determine the damage they take (within the dice roll or facing penalty) and you as their opponent should not put them in a box. Lastly, in post two, you powerplay by writing “as he now faces her head on”. Try to use language that shows intent rather than certainty, i.e “tried”, “attempted”, “aimed”, etc.

Another big thing I thought with realism, was maintaining the injury on his side throughout the fight. With that injury, Tembovu is able to double-barrel kick Nyx one post, but not able to barely lift his leg to kick her the next, but then is able again to double-barrel kick her in the following post. The disparity here between these posts and the injuries taken was a really large dock to your realism score.

As a whole, I think you did a good job for just starting out. Keep fighting!

Emotion [2.5]
I really enjoyed reading Tembovu in this spar, above your beautiful writing. I felt connected to this character. I could see faint glimpses of his history, but I could really see where his time off took a toll on him more than just physically. I also enjoyed reading him in the wake of the Rexanna-heartbreak. It was really well done.
“I might be rusty, but I thinkit’s the stallion that does the penetrating,”’ – This had me laughing right out loud, literally.

Prose [2]
P2: “as these realizes clamor through his head” – these realizations
:: “he voice rumbles” – his voice
:: “He neck reaching to his withers” – Her neck
:: “he swings his haunches nearly half turn to the left” – nearly a half
P3: “The hurt from before bwas but” – was

Readability [1.5]
Your writing is beautiful, and even though there were some grammar mistakes I felt the posts generally easy to follow and understand. However, in your first post you break up his reaction to her attack with a description of how the blood looked on his coat, separating the initiation of the reaction and the actual reaction to two different paragraphs. This really made the post feel disjointed.

Finally tally: 27.5(7*2)= 41.5HP