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09-28-2015, 07:00 PM
Slå mig hårt i ansiktet så får jag känna att jag lever
Someone should give her a medal for showing such patience. Anyone less kind would have kicked him by now, yet here he was, pushing the limits of the one person that mattered. He might be a self-centered asshole, but he did have some brains. He was able to pick up on a few of the subtle cues as she objected, and closed his mouth for several long moments as he struggled with all the murky feelings around the herd, the girl, his own situation.
"You might be the exception" he mumbled and looked away, his face growing hotter than ought to be strictly possible what with the cold ocean wind and all. "It's not like... I never said you weren't. More like it's the opposite."
He shuffled the sand between his feet, keeping his eyes fixed on the crashing waves, the forget-me-not blue sky, anywhere but on the girl. There was a feeling that if he did look at her she might turn out to be a mirage or a figment of his imagination, flimsy and fading, not really there at all. He wanted to stop talking, afraid that he might finally push her away after all (like he had wanted to before) yet words just came pouring across his tongue. What was it with those clear, red eyes that brought down all his walls without even trying?
"Meg told me, when she got back from that red forest. She said that your father was some important person, that you're some kind of desert princess or whatever and that I should have died before letting you get hurt. The way she said it I thought you had died for sure, and I... I really thought you had..."
To his immense embarrassment the boy felt tears rise to the eyes and blinked furiously to make them go away before she could see it. Once he thought no trace of emotion was gone from his face he stole a glance at Ranjiri, and the sight of her was like knives cutting into his chest. Because he had let her get hurt, hadn't he. There were scars there that he hadn't seen before, lumps and bruises and something was definitely off with one of the wings. Every scrape and bruise seemed to scream at him, and the guilt he had thought disappeared once he realized that she was alive came back full force to beat down every trace of confidence.
"I'm sorry" he whispered, no longer able to contain the raw emotions that pressed at him from every direction. "I shouldn't have left you behind... They're right, I am a fucking coward..."
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