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QIAN Vs EDGE INVASION :: QIAN Rubrics

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Official
#15




JAYDAN - KNOCKED OUT

CHALLENGER -- Round 2

[Realism]
- 1| I am not sure what the purpose of the tree branch breaking was and injuring your character before the fight begins. I would think that a pegasus would be able to fly from a broken branch.
+ 1| ATTACK: diving at Ulrik
+ 1| ATTACK: bucking at Ulrik

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion - excellent emotion
+ 1| Flow

CHALLENGER -- Round 3

[Realism]
+ 1| ATTACK: diving at Deimos
- 1| Even at that speed, couldn't Jaydan snap his wings open to lessen his blow against the ground?
+ 1|ATTACK: flying air buck against Deimos

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
0 | Emotion: Very analytical and well explained, but little if any emotion
+ 1| Flow

CHALLENGER -- Round 4

[Realism]
+ 1| DEFENSE: Realistically taking Mauja's horn to his side
- 1| DEFENSE: Broken wing! Ah! I think that could have been avoided
+ 1| ATTACK: Horn to Mauja's chest
+ 1| ATTACK: Kicking at Mauja from side
+ 1| DEFENSE: teeth bared at Deimos

[Prose]
+ 1| Easy Read
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow

CHALLENGER -- Round 5 (defense only)
Absence


CHALLENGER

[Bonus]
+ 1| You mentioned the Edge's mist! Beautiful!

[Injuries]
- 1| Broken wing/multiple scrapes and bruises

[Creativity]
+ 1| Consistent, lovely style

Comments: I would focus more on making sure that your characters's injuries are realistic, but otherwise I loved the style.

TOTAL
Challenger - 15





Messages In This Thread
RE: QIAN Vs EDGE INVASION :: QIAN Rubrics - by Official - 10-05-2012, 01:38 PM

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