somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me

What was he even doing here? It was the ass-end of nowhere, just a piece of glittering shore all too close to the Dragon's Throat, and—and it held no real memories for him, of anything aside from a battle and a mare dying to leave her child an orphan.

Maybe that was why he was there, hiding from all the places of Helovia haunted by memories, trying to get somewhere else and start something new, but.. she had been here too, right? It was all he could see in the setting sun, an opportunity lost, a memory not shared because there was no one there to share it with anymore—all those wrongs left unrighted, all the shit left unfixed, the words left unsaid, and the fact that she'd never managed to say that she loved him just made it hurt the worse.

It was all his fault. Everything was always his fault, so along with having them ripped out of his life he had to carry that burden of guilt.

"Hey," the stranger was saying, something firm in her voice that sounded an awful lot like 'goddammit, look at me you fucking idiot'. Hesitantly his head turned from the horizon. It was just another piece of shame that in his two seconds of solace and staring he had sort of forgotten about her—about the way the gentle brush against his shoulder had alleviated some of his pain, how the steadfast beating of her heart had offered a comfort no words could. "You okay?" He opened his mouth, but no sound came out—he swallowed what had laid on his tongue, some snarky reply she didn't deserve, but she was staring at him with narrowed eyes and a kind of directness that made him feel exposed and back-stabbed.

Why let him cry all over her—fuck, why come over in the first place?—if she just wanted to growl at him? Like, was it somehow his fault some fucked-up God had killed his daughter?

"No," he answered her coldly, retreating into the safety of the ice, falling into its open arms (it's grave—) and resting there, where his fragile heart was safe from the cautious cruelty of strangers. What did she want of him? Why was she looking at him like that, one moment shying away, the next drawn in closer, like he was something curious, some sort of moth-eating magnet, like the pain freezing over in his red-rimmed eyes could give up its secrets all of its own accord—

And then it started, an interrogation, question after question spilling from dark lips and he just stared at her, cold and uncomprehending. Who was he? Good question. Was he from here? No, not originally. Was he in the Rift? Certainly not. What happened to him? He nearly lost his owl, got yelled at, his (for all intents and purposes) god-child died, his best friend left, and then his own child died. And: "Why... were we saved?" Saved? Saved? His stillness fractured into bitter laughter and he took half a step backwards, shaking his head. Saved? Oh, yes, the horizon was beautiful and all, but what she wasn't seeing was the blood staining the sand.

"Saved," he repeated savagely, hating himself for trampling all over her dreams and hopes and desires, but how could he stop himself from doing it? "The first God to tear a path to the Rift did his best to prevent anyone coming through! Saved, yes, brought to a land fraught with greed and violence and pain!" He wasn't crying, per se, but tears were streaming from his eyes again as his raw voice poured into the world. Ashamed and disgusted with himself he turned away from her, let his hooves slide in the shallow water until his hocks touched the ground and he was sitting with his back turned to her.

"I am Mauja, of this wretched land. My daughter and my best friend's daughter died fighting to protect this world from the gods our own ones lured out of the Rift and were too cowardly to fight alone." He was silent for a moment, before turning, hesitantly, to peer at her over his shoulder.

"Do you still feel saved?"

[ @Dacianna ]

somebody make me feel alive
and shatter me