without your love, without your touch, this world for me is never gonna be enough
thinking about you as if i lost you

The return back home is a bit too difficult to muster, too harsh to think about when she guesses on repeat that they’d laugh at her just as her patrol partner had done. Yes, there were mares in the Dragon’s Throat that had taken up the art of seduction, but herself? She’d never seen herself as that. She’d never taken interest in love and affections, the ideas of having sexual affairs with anyone were too foreign to find them even slightly interesting.
Even children had been a distant thought, excluding the child she had agreed to carry with Amara, but there was something different about that. Amara was her friend, her best friend, the only soul she’d ever really relied on to still be there when there was nothing left to be found. Raising a child with Amara, carrying a child with her, it all seemed natural, like they’d always meant to do exactly that.
But then again, Sikeax never fails to remember that she has only known a short amount of her life in which Amara was not always there. They might as well have been born on the same day, at the same time, near to one another so that there wouldn’t of had been a moment wasted.
Hobgoblin snorts.
“Trusty Amara gone?”
Even though she can’t see him, she knows he’s there. He cuts her away and leaves her to stand alone, to laugh at her when she grazes and can’t see where he’s left her to be. The end of the world is close enough that she can imagine he’s thrown himself off of the cliff, diving towards the part of the ocean that she’s always been to scared to look down at, to dive into. It pulls a facade of hatred and rage, one that makes Hobgoblin smile because he see’s himself in it, and wonders if Sikeax is actually stupid because she chooses to live in the shadow of his might.
“I don’t want her to see me like this.”
She questions if he can actually hear her speak to him. Her voice drowns out below the mass of the crashing waves and the roaring screams of her thoughts that tell her maybe it’s best to go ahead and give it up now.
It’s for the best. Then I won’t have the child and I won’t have to be burdened with something I don’t want.
Pushing her head out over the ledge, muscles lock in her legs and knees close up like some sort of final thought might to keep her from really jumping. While the water surely wouldn’t kill(and since when could it actually kill her?), the fall and stones would do her in.
“Do you think it’s worth it?”
No response, even when they both know he’s somewhere down there, hiding along the cliff face and waiting for the moment when she does throw herself away like many have probably done in the past.
“I don’t want to be the mother of a child I don’t want.”
She thinks to herself that she is some sort of monster, that she probably deserves to die with the child when she falls. Mothers were meant to love their children. Who was she to break the rules? What did she have to prove in breaking the sacred rules of motherhood?
She is nothing more than a monster, and if her bones are to erode against the rocks, drug out to the sea that she loves so much, then maybe she’ll rot in peace.
“Kill baby?”
A shake of the head. He’s still gone, far off in a place where he probably can’t see any of her responses, yet alone hear them. He probably doesn’t care, he’ll probably go on to live without her and this bastard that she’s forced to carry. It’s the lifestyle that he wanted most, wasn’t it?
She doubts they’ll even miss her.

OOC: NOT A DEATH THREAD.

Sikeax is only extremely emotional and upset about thinking she’s pregnant and doesn’t know how to get rid of the (non-existent)baby so suicidal thoughts great job chick

@Amara

"Talk?"