Dust and Bones

[OPEN] Dust and Bones

Essetia Posts: 218

Outcast atk: 5.0 | def: 8 | dam: 6.0

Mare :: Equine :: 16.3HH :: 7 HP: 64.0 | Buff: NOVICE

Romul :: Arctic Wolf :: Confusion Linds

12-28-2015, 11:00 PM (This post was last modified: 12-28-2015, 11:10 PM by Essetia. Edit Reason: grammar failing everywhere~ )

Quietly, we watched the waves rolling monotonously against the shore, always the same. Is that what we were? Were we simply running our course, over and over, until nothing else remained but the time between now and then? I’d been plagued by such thoughts before –numerous times in fact. Yet, they still did not get any easier… What was I if I could not leave behind something, some trace of my name, my life? Would my own memory be swept away into the ocean along with my father’s? The cycle of life was certainly a sickening notion that always fell too hard and consumed one too easily. Even as I stood alongside a stranger that surely had a name, a place he rested his head at night, and even companions that were meant to be dear to his heart… I could not find a single reason in which to care. We all ended the same anyways.

But -and there was always a but- I wanted to care, to feel what roiled in the heart of another, to understand what pushed them to try, and to shove against the forces that opposed them. I turned my colorless gaze toward the copper-colored boy and I watched. It was forward, it was bold, but it was not unkind. I only wanted to see beneath the flesh and the bones that strung him so tight and yet left him so… broken. Even as he cracked a wry smile, I could not look away from the dying fire in his eyes, for there was a certain sadness there that seemingly couldn’t be shaken.

Romul, sensing my turmoil, shuttered internally, flooding our bond with warmth and light. Tiny ribbons of golden sun fluttered in slow circles around my mind and I smiled despite myself. They danced around and around creating trails of hazy yellow bands that blazed and shone before fading to black… However, all else was forgotten when the boy began to speak, his rich tones filling the voids left in my melancholy thoughts until I was so full, I felt close to bursting. He sang such blue songs, ones caused by stories similar to my own, and in my heart I felt sympathy for the first time in months. “Then perhaps we have more in common than you think…” I replied vaguely. As much as I wanted to tell him, to utter the words that would bring to life a million emotions, I could not.

I would not.

Fortunately, the boy was too rapt by his own devils to notice my failure to embellish my own horrors, and that distraction was a godsend to someone like me. I had no reason to drudge up suppressed memories and forgotten tales- there was no need to drag myself through the woes of my own demise.

"I am afraid to love anything or anyone ever again."

I hadn’t been expecting such truths- such raw and honest admissions. It nearly swept me off my feet until I was rolling into the tide hoping to be lost amongst the waves… How was I supposed to help him? How was I supposed to admit that we suffered the same agony, the same heart wrenching pain? Instead, I faltered. “Then don’t.”

It hurt, oh how it hurt. Love was all that we had… all that we were. But I didn’t want to feel it, didn’t want to agonize under its embrace.

I wanted to remain numb.