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12-14-2015, 01:18 PM
To say that I was confused by Rhoa would be putting it very mildly. What he described was lovely, a cool spring on a hot day, the rain in the desert, the blooming cactus... but I didn't understand and if he paid attention he would likely see it in my eyes, but would he understand? Would he know that internally I was questioning what he was telling me and wondering why he would miss me like he said? I'd not had many interactions with Rhoa, but we had been in the same herd up until the point that he'd disappeared. We'd seen each other on occasion, be it at herd meetings or in passing and only a few times had we stopped and actually had conversation.
How could he miss me?
Why would he miss me?
And if he could miss me like that then why would he leave without saying goodbye?
He continued on, though, and told me that he's been cold then, again, how he's missed me and I couldn't stay silent any longer and just listen. "Then why did you leave?" I finally asked. "Why... without telling me bye?" I frowned and I stared and I felt myself doubting every word he was saying because how could he stand there and tell me how he missed me, how could he make it sound so fanciful, and lovely, and wonderfully flattering when he obviously hadn't thought enough of me to tell me bye? "How can you think enough of someone to miss them like that but not think enough of them to bid them farewell?" How could he do it? How could Dragomir do it? How could Toto and Ryuu and Momma and Daddy and everyone I cared about all just leave without telling me bye? Was that too much to ask? Was I being selfish for wanting that closure?
But right at that moment wasn't the time for me to crumble and fall apart. I needed to be brave and strong and act as if his confession (if that was what it was) hadn't brought with it bad feelings about everyone else that I cared about that had just left. I needed to act as if I were simply curious and hope that my tone hadn't reflected just how confused and hurt I was, so when he asked if I was still a crafted I offered a small smile and nodded. "I ... need a lot more practice." I said with a shake of my head. "I'm not that good at it yet." Which was a shame because I hadn't wanted to disappoint Gaucho and I thought that if he saw the keys I'd made, functional or not, he would be disappointed that I hadn't practiced more.
"."
Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me
aud pixel!
