I have died
so many times

What harm can come
from just one more?



Hotaru was in pain. Ashamin understood this: the deep, emotional hurt that came with getting close to another. The both of them had been born with this knowledge. Born, raised, made to learn, something. But they both knew it now more than ever, more even than the night of Hotaru's confession came in the cave.

The knowledge was this: love always came with hurt.

So when Hotaru's body crashed into his he did not hesitate. He wrapped his neck over hers, he let her weep and take whatever little comfort in him that she could. This would be the last moment like this, for them. The last moment before the day that she tore her friend to pieces and watched him bleed; the last moment before he was ignorant of her real power.

When at last she drew away, whispering what were truly sweet nothings, Ashamin stood in patient wait. There was nothing he could do to prepare himself, nothing he could do to shield his body from the pain. He stood tall before her, chest forward and eyes open for as long as he could bear to keep them. But when the first crackle sounded they were shut tight to keep him in place. Somehow, Ashamin knew that he would have run at the sight of such power headed towards him.

When the lightning ball struck, it hit Ashamin squarely in the chest. What was left was a burned mark with veiny edges and bloody, red flesh. The skin was torn, the body was covered in tiny shocks that sent him into uncontrollable convulsive shock. He fell to the earth as if the ball had been a bullet, shuddered there in the snow and could do nothing to save himself. This was his punishment, his task, his pain he would make himself bear. Not just, now, for the promise he had made to the Goddess of the Moon. He would take the pain for the promise he would soon break to himself: the promise to hurt no member of his herd--to use his power for good.

By the time the storm began to rise, Ashamin had managed only to pull his face to his chest. He still shook, still bled, still felt as if his very bones had shattered and re-connected incorrectly in a moment. He watched, helpless, as the winds first picked up a few pebbles, then more. When the razor sharp edges of the storm met his flesh his sides were shredded, covered in long, red lacerations that bled freely and without shame. None of this was shameful. Perhaps he would die, perhaps he would go out as a fool for taking the harder path and be laughed at by the Gods, but he would die with what little honor he had left to cling to.

When he heard the second crackle, felt the second wave of the winds, he wanted to tell her to stop. But his voice was lost from the shock that had climbed up his throat, his senses overwhelmed. He stared ahead with eyes stuck wide, watched her at an angle with the ground taking up half of his view. He had withstood the attacks; as if sensing this, as if understanding that there need be no more, two of the amulets around his neck soaked up her second round of magic. Had she seen the charms, thought of them? Ashamin didn't have the energy to wonder if that was her gift to him, her apology.

But he didn't know, either, if he'd ever have the strength to use such destructive powers as hers. Certainly he did not now, as he slowly struggled and failed to get back on his feet. His breath came in heavy gasps, his eyes rolled and showed their rare whites before settling into normalcy again. Alice and Hotaru stood before him like distant shadows, with garbled words but clear sentiments.

Through tears that electricity had forced from his eyes, Ashamin somehow gave his lady a pained smile. Surely she'd draw closer, the dust would settle, and she'd panic. Surely she'd get help, he didn't need to ask for these things. So he simply focused on lifting his head, on trying to touch his nose to whatever part of the shaded lady was nearest. "Nothing... I can't... withstand."

""

ASHAMIN