I  wanna sleep next to you

but that's all I wanna do right now

I was forced from relaxation by mama's loud cries, her unsteady emotions washing over my calm like a hurricane to a boatyard, pushing and unsettling and destroying all that lies before it. In the wreckage I am a restless cry for help, an unheard need for a saviour. No one heeds my call, and I succumb to the pressure of my panic, to the subsequent tears and crushing pressure of my fears. Mother does not love me now, she hates me, she said that in her sleep, she let it slide out like nails to chalk. It was deep and savage, tearing open wounds that drape across my skin like bodies across the earth, grim reminders of my failure as a son and purity in this world. Mama does not want me, the only one who I have ever loved and who has ever shown care and love for me, hates me. It has been a ruse, I played along because that is what you do, you love a parent the way they are supposed to be loved, they produced you, they feed you, keep you warm and safe. You repay them the way you should, but my love was not enough to erase mama's pain for her tears still flow endlessly. 

I slipped away, because not around mama the crushing blue of her heartache has come out, and beneath it I cower and cry because it is too much. It takes me a long time to leave mama's side, to take that first hesitant step away from her, the beginning of my independence. It's like tearing a band aid from a wound, ripping and taking some of the skin with it, I can feel the pieces of myself that I've abandoned to venture off on my own. But not entirely, as the familiar beat of Yseult's dual wings greets me, and a soft song trills from her throat as she settles upon my rump with little commotion. I keep walking, one foot in front of the other as a knot ties itself in my throat and brings ruin to my breathing until I am choking and crumbling. I leave in a flurry of leaps and bounds because I cannot see the shores before me and I just want to run, Yseult tugging up at my mane until I listen to her and throw myself recklessly into the air. 

I don't get far, because sobbing and flying are two things I cannot do at the same time, experiencing emotional ruin is something that needs my full attention while flight requires all my effort and ability. I give a soft gasp because I am plummeting towards the ground like the wreck I am, choking on my tears and panic as I fear that I will land in the ocean, missing the shore and drowning in the depths of the unknown. To my luck, that isn't the case because I'm smacking into the ground with a solid, painful noise and a sharp cough as air leaves my body and tears spill from my eyes. "Oh no," I mumble, brows narrowed and a stuttering sigh leaving my lips as I try to gather myself. I am a sad disaster on the ground, helpless and pitiful to lay eyes on. 
SPEECH
ahhhah oops c": shah literally just crashed this thread.. -backflips away-