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02-04-2016, 01:01 PM
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Left alone with the Dauntless, I find that I once more am in the care of "family." The word's meaning falters now, has less strength each time I think of it. Does ever family love so carelessly as mine, or are there others with more heart and soul than rests in my father alone? And what of Manhattan, she who showed me the most love, who taught me the very patterns of breath and speech that I have since renounced?
She loved me more than anyone, and yet in some ways she was not family. She was only a friend, the family I chose that belonged to my father. My father who did not deserve her, did not love her as I did, did not--
I cannot think such thoughts. My uncle, the Dauntless, is speaking in a low voice, a humming, grumbling, roaring sort of drone that commands respect. I listen absently as he grooms me, as if we were close, as if he is the mother I now have lost. From where does this intimacy grow? Are these seeds of kindness sown at birth, into soil made fertile by affection or obligation? When do they flower, when do they wilt? What comes of the fruit and the grain, are they ground and spread like wealth to the needy, is this the cycle of love my father has never understood? And what of the seeds, is there a store in my own heart?
I have no words for his kindness, only a soft chuff of air leaving my lips and striking the cold. His dog, unlike Manhattan but brimming with a recognizable emotion, draws closer. It is she that I have heart for, she that I would wish to speak with. What did she know of the dog that was my best friend, what did she love of the family she chose?
I take a small step forward, bend to the malamute with russet and snow fur. My nose seeks her neck, my breath ruffles and parts whatever fur might be closest. My jaw, like a swing, unhinges and closes, a tender bite like the ones Manhattan gave me when I was younger.
Will she know what I mean, when I say this with my silence? Will she understand the question of love and pain as an inextricable pair? Or am I truly alone in this world?
""
Can the child within my heart rise above?
@Archibald
