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02-28-2016, 04:12 AM
To truly understand the beast,
one must meet him,
and unlock that which beats within his glowing chest.
If looks could transmit thoughts, Ivezho would have been totally and completely distracted, more-so than he already was, just by the sight of her. Her mention of a token, however, was what truly did him in. His loins seemed to be burning, his excitement barely contained - he prayed to all the gods that she meant what he hoped she meant. Eldala was the first to have truly stolen his attention in that way, the first to really ignite that fire within. She had awoken him, or the beast within him, but then she had turned him away, shunned the beast, declined and denied both of their desires (for Ivezho was sure he didn't imagine her reciprocation that night). In turning him away, he had found solace in another, an outlet, or freedom as he had called his time with Mordecai.
This was different to that 'freedom': this was intense, exquisite, a conquest that would not be temporary or forgotten; he was surprised to find himself admit that if it meant the ruin of their friendship, he would not commit that lusty act which he so sorely desired to.
The taste of her sweat and fur on his tongue was both salty and spicy - her personal musk was his favourite flavour, for only Eldala tasted like Eldala. A small dash of guilt might have washed through him as his teeth connected a bit rougher than he initially intended - but then, she was the one asking for this, and he was not going to deny her (hell, if he could help it, he'd never deny her anything). It was purely the fact that the length of his neck was longer than hers that allowed him to completely miss the return lovebite she sent his way - he barely felt the wind of her lips passing near his shoulder.
Though he cannot see the grin she wore as she spoke, her tones reveal the playfulness, the cheek, the deviousness that simply was Eldala, and it further excited him, for it meant that she was still on board, still with him, and he with her. A deep, hearty laugh chuckled from this throat at her question, and he was about to answer when-
- her tail lifted and -
- he couldn't stop his steps from creeping closer to her, his haunches bunching as his forelegs seemed to step higher, his wings lift from his sides to sweep forward and embrace her and-
-- thump!
It was so swift, he barely saw it coming, and when he did, he was far too overcommitted to escape its strike range. A deep grunt rolled through him, but he was lucky in that he was tall, (much taller than she,) and he had been half-rearing behind her as well, adding to height of her target. Delicate little hooves thumped against his pectorals, and it was the surprise of the impact that really shook Ivezho, rather than the actual, physical aspect of it. Scrambling his own hindlegs beneath him, he backed up in a great hurry, pumping his wings to move himself further. A snort rippled through his nostrils as he shook his crown angrily at his own foolishness, before he ground his teeth and pressed onwards, aiming to resume the clockwise circle he had been trotting about her form previously.
"Good!" he said, laughing away the anger that had flared previously - he wasn't angry at her, after all, rather, he was pretty proud of her. Physically, she was a good deal shorter, smaller, softer than he, which would usually mean she was at a disadvantage. But Eldala used what she had in a creative and effective way - which was exactly what attributes made a successful warrior (perhaps that's why I'm no soldier of the Throat).
"Won't work a second time though," he warned with a grin, before he turned himself sharply to aim directly for the right side of her barrel. He pressed himself forward with all the power of his hindquarters behind him, stepping high over the autumn meadow, flaring his wings to catch any of the chilly breeze his movement generated to lift him. He wanted to soar over her, not to touch her, but to taunt her, scare her, show her what it was to be a pegasus. And then, upon landing, he mimicked her strike against him, and kicked out his hindlegs towards her. There was no real power behind the motion, for he did not want to hurt her - only to show her exactly what he was capable of, and hope that she would do the same (and, his chest hurt a bit too, but he wasn't about to admit that, especially to her, or himself).
This was different to that 'freedom': this was intense, exquisite, a conquest that would not be temporary or forgotten; he was surprised to find himself admit that if it meant the ruin of their friendship, he would not commit that lusty act which he so sorely desired to.
The taste of her sweat and fur on his tongue was both salty and spicy - her personal musk was his favourite flavour, for only Eldala tasted like Eldala. A small dash of guilt might have washed through him as his teeth connected a bit rougher than he initially intended - but then, she was the one asking for this, and he was not going to deny her (hell, if he could help it, he'd never deny her anything). It was purely the fact that the length of his neck was longer than hers that allowed him to completely miss the return lovebite she sent his way - he barely felt the wind of her lips passing near his shoulder.
Though he cannot see the grin she wore as she spoke, her tones reveal the playfulness, the cheek, the deviousness that simply was Eldala, and it further excited him, for it meant that she was still on board, still with him, and he with her. A deep, hearty laugh chuckled from this throat at her question, and he was about to answer when-
- her tail lifted and -
- he couldn't stop his steps from creeping closer to her, his haunches bunching as his forelegs seemed to step higher, his wings lift from his sides to sweep forward and embrace her and-
-- thump!
It was so swift, he barely saw it coming, and when he did, he was far too overcommitted to escape its strike range. A deep grunt rolled through him, but he was lucky in that he was tall, (much taller than she,) and he had been half-rearing behind her as well, adding to height of her target. Delicate little hooves thumped against his pectorals, and it was the surprise of the impact that really shook Ivezho, rather than the actual, physical aspect of it. Scrambling his own hindlegs beneath him, he backed up in a great hurry, pumping his wings to move himself further. A snort rippled through his nostrils as he shook his crown angrily at his own foolishness, before he ground his teeth and pressed onwards, aiming to resume the clockwise circle he had been trotting about her form previously.
"Good!" he said, laughing away the anger that had flared previously - he wasn't angry at her, after all, rather, he was pretty proud of her. Physically, she was a good deal shorter, smaller, softer than he, which would usually mean she was at a disadvantage. But Eldala used what she had in a creative and effective way - which was exactly what attributes made a successful warrior (perhaps that's why I'm no soldier of the Throat).
"Won't work a second time though," he warned with a grin, before he turned himself sharply to aim directly for the right side of her barrel. He pressed himself forward with all the power of his hindquarters behind him, stepping high over the autumn meadow, flaring his wings to catch any of the chilly breeze his movement generated to lift him. He wanted to soar over her, not to touch her, but to taunt her, scare her, show her what it was to be a pegasus. And then, upon landing, he mimicked her strike against him, and kicked out his hindlegs towards her. There was no real power behind the motion, for he did not want to hurt her - only to show her exactly what he was capable of, and hope that she would do the same (and, his chest hurt a bit too, but he wasn't about to admit that, especially to her, or himself).
Ivezho
788 words.
2/3 attack posts.
0/1 closing defence.
Thistle Meadow, Orangemoon, afternoon turning into evening.
TEACHING TIPS!::
Great post Goat!
I'm going to use the same sub-headings that a judge would use, let me know if you find them helpful or not!
Also, the summary is not compulsory/necessary (I don't do them because lazy), but if you feel that it helps you then by all means keep going them. Just remember though, if you mention something in your summary that didn't actually happen in your post, it technically didn't happen!
Realism:
This is where judges will look at how accurately you interpreted the dice roll given, through how your character dodges/doesn't dodge, or takes damage.
Eldala rolled a 3 for damage this time, so I think you took his simple bite pretty well. A bit of skin off and a general ache is a pretty good summation for this kind of spar - but be sure to mention how it might ache still at least in your next post too. Also - did it hurt her when she bucked out at him? Could that have affected the power behind her kick? Will it affect the types of attacks she does in the future? Keep this in mind throughout your fight.
Emotion:
This is basically where you want to have your judges so captivated, so involved with your character, that they feel what your character is feeling. Eldala is feeling rather frisky - why? What is it that makes her feel that way? Spring/Birdsong is a while away, so it's not her hormones - is it something else? Why is she so attracted to Ivezho? What about their past interactions have led her to feel this way, to want him this way? Does she admire him? Hate him? She lusts after him, sure, but why? And why does she think that this is the best way to get her release? Explore your character a bit more - you have the word count to spare - what makes Eldala Eldala?
Prose:
Grammar, writing style, etc, is judged here. Your writing is very easy to read and your grammar is mostly spot-on. You keep your tense in the present perfectly, the only little things I can see is:
His muscled structure slinks its' way 'round the brush while he steps into her burning sight. - "its' " should just be "its".
The ability to employ agility in her favor meant utilizing obstacles with which she could trip him up(Entirely plausible considering the fall he'd taken at their first meeting.). - should be:
The ability to employ agility in her favor meant utilizing obstacles with which she could trip him up (entirely plausible considering the fall he'd taken at their first meeting).
Readability:
This is judged separate to prose as some writers have a certain style (mine would be endless run-on sentences lol), if they can make it really work for them, it doesn't disrupt the way the reader interprets or reads through the post. If a judge has to read through a post more than once they generally will start knocking points or half-points off here, because remember - judges have to read each post of the spar, at least 7 of them, that's a fair chunk of reading. You want to make it as smooth a process as possible for them! I find reading posts out loud (sounds silly but it does help!) really helps me score more points here. Your last paragraph, for example, is mostly short sentences, where, when read out loud, kind of sounds a bit jarring, stopping and starting a lot. Try to mix it up a little bit - commas can be your friend too!
That's all I have for this post, keep up the great work :)
2/3 attack posts.
0/1 closing defence.
Thistle Meadow, Orangemoon, afternoon turning into evening.
TEACHING TIPS!::
Great post Goat!
I'm going to use the same sub-headings that a judge would use, let me know if you find them helpful or not!
Also, the summary is not compulsory/necessary (I don't do them because lazy), but if you feel that it helps you then by all means keep going them. Just remember though, if you mention something in your summary that didn't actually happen in your post, it technically didn't happen!
Realism:
This is where judges will look at how accurately you interpreted the dice roll given, through how your character dodges/doesn't dodge, or takes damage.
Eldala rolled a 3 for damage this time, so I think you took his simple bite pretty well. A bit of skin off and a general ache is a pretty good summation for this kind of spar - but be sure to mention how it might ache still at least in your next post too. Also - did it hurt her when she bucked out at him? Could that have affected the power behind her kick? Will it affect the types of attacks she does in the future? Keep this in mind throughout your fight.
Emotion:
This is basically where you want to have your judges so captivated, so involved with your character, that they feel what your character is feeling. Eldala is feeling rather frisky - why? What is it that makes her feel that way? Spring/Birdsong is a while away, so it's not her hormones - is it something else? Why is she so attracted to Ivezho? What about their past interactions have led her to feel this way, to want him this way? Does she admire him? Hate him? She lusts after him, sure, but why? And why does she think that this is the best way to get her release? Explore your character a bit more - you have the word count to spare - what makes Eldala Eldala?
Prose:
Grammar, writing style, etc, is judged here. Your writing is very easy to read and your grammar is mostly spot-on. You keep your tense in the present perfectly, the only little things I can see is:
His muscled structure slinks its' way 'round the brush while he steps into her burning sight. - "its' " should just be "its".
The ability to employ agility in her favor meant utilizing obstacles with which she could trip him up(Entirely plausible considering the fall he'd taken at their first meeting.). - should be:
The ability to employ agility in her favor meant utilizing obstacles with which she could trip him up (entirely plausible considering the fall he'd taken at their first meeting).
Readability:
This is judged separate to prose as some writers have a certain style (mine would be endless run-on sentences lol), if they can make it really work for them, it doesn't disrupt the way the reader interprets or reads through the post. If a judge has to read through a post more than once they generally will start knocking points or half-points off here, because remember - judges have to read each post of the spar, at least 7 of them, that's a fair chunk of reading. You want to make it as smooth a process as possible for them! I find reading posts out loud (sounds silly but it does help!) really helps me score more points here. Your last paragraph, for example, is mostly short sentences, where, when read out loud, kind of sounds a bit jarring, stopping and starting a lot. Try to mix it up a little bit - commas can be your friend too!
That's all I have for this post, keep up the great work :)
@Eldala
please do not feel pressured into mirroring the length of any of my posts
I write what I feel at the time
and hope everyone else does the same c:
