Elsa

All of Essetia’s words. God, she wanted so badly to forgive herself, but even in the wake of her brethren’s speech, she could barely manage a small, waning smile. Deep down inside, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to forgive herself for what she had done. It will always linger, the shadow of her heart that can never be re-lit. Such a dark thought- but it was one she was beginning to accept.

They had been pieces, and Elsa had not fixed them. That was what Essetia failed to understand. This was her fault- she had a chance to help, to fix things, but instead she trusted the goodwill of other herds. And in her face, everything fell. She hadn’t finished her crafting projects, or trained enough for it.

She had been a Mason- a worker of stone, but hardly good enough for anything else. Elsa was a slave to her own occupation, and in her submission, she watched everything fall. So it would forever and always be her fault. It all came down to this simple, undeniable fact:

She had a chance to help, but she didn’t. Instead she stood by, and waited until the last second to respond.

She watched her own love betray them.

That cut deep. She was so shallow as to trust him, and that was her weakness. He had done it because of her- or at least that was what he had said. Elsa carried that with her. If she had only known, she was in fucking love with him and she was too blind to see the betrayal.

He was her blind betrayal. Her weakness. Her destruction.

And the sad thing was, that even now she would probably fall right back into his charms if he ever came back. Elsa was weak hearted, and she tried to make it up with anger and ice. Both extremes were met, but a happy medium was never found.
 
She heard all of Essetia’s speech, but still she remained quiet, even after her question. This was the point she realized she had royally fucked up. Oxy had done this to her- and she let it happen. That was the root of her guilt. It was like a sun burst into her universe and she was suddenly angry. On the flip of a dime, she went from sad to just pure anger. She huffed and began shaking.

“I can’t move on. He fucking did it for me Essetia! Oxy. I couldn’t see it. I let it happen. I can’t keep this quiet any longer. I feel like I was the reason- and partly I was. So many of our own kin turned, and I can’t help but think that’s what he did. He turned my own herd against me, to help me. Or that’s what his fleeting words were.” It was like a rush of release and now she actually started crying. It was angry and frustrated tears. If they were colored by emotion, they would be bright red, and gleaming. “If you ever find him. Tell me. And that isn’t a request." She hissed quietly, and again the apologetic look took over. God if she didn’t know about her own past, Elsa would dub herself bi-polar.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” Defeated. That was the color of choice now.

“And all I need are tears of forgiveness. Ironic right? Maybe the God of Earth knew about this.” She mused aloud, shaking her head violently, eyes cast downward in defeat. Edgar tried to pull gently on her mane to bring her attention back to Essetia. Instead, she stared down at the space between them, utterly dead inside for the moment.


@Essetia  
"Morbi vestibulum mollis nibh a varius."
idk what just happened mans.

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sometimes we expect too much of ourselves,

afterall, we are only mortal.

The Icebound