He could barely make out her face through the electricity.

It almost burned him even though it was harmless, a bright wide beautiful arc that he could witness. Extensions of their beings made manifest. That organ, that beating drum in the chest, had a soul. If Ashamin believed in anything it was that. Souls. Love. Something mixed up in between that was maybe hate or maybe just a lack of control.

Perhaps Ashamin the haruspex simply had too much love for this world. Perhaps Hotaru was right, perhaps he really was pure. But when she spoke, when the bird he had created turned into nothing but faint sparks scattering across the snow and his own heart ate itself up in between them, he wasn't really sure.

Because if Ashamin could feel anything other than love it was anger. Maybe he didn't know it yet but he would enough soon. He was not pure. He could be broken, but it wouldn't be by love. That was a burden he would always have the strength to carry; even if love kicked and bit, struck his spine like a comet without resistance, Ashamin would carry it home.

So who was Hotaru to turn him away? Who was she to say what he could and could not do?

His heart is sucked back up inside of him like the worst kind of black hole and all he can do is stare. Stand watching her like some empty eyed fool with those coal pits and that glowing, burning chest of his. Would he ever be free? No, perhaps not. Not for as long as all those that he loved lived on this earth, and perhaps not even after.

Lochan stepped closer to his bonded, pressing his side to Ashamin's, as if in comfort. As if the haruspex had failed. But no, there was no way Ashamin would consider this the end. Hotaru couldn't just walk away, at least not for a reason as poorly founded as that. Was it an excuse, something to get him to leave when she really just didn't care for him? Maybe. Maybe. But Ashamin didn't want to belive that she would really just take advantage of him like that, use him up as a sounding board and then leave him dry the minute he had something real that he wanted to say to her. Something important like this... he couldn't keep his mouth shut this time. He couldn't just nod and smile. He couldn't turn around and pretend he didn't care.

"Maybe you're right, maybe you'll ruin me, that's your choice. But you can't decide whether or not I get to take that risk, Hotaru." he said with a step forward, extinguishing a spark left on the ground with his hoof absentmindedly. She wasn't in control right now. She couldn't micromanage her whole life until there was no one left in it but her and that hellhound. He moved closer, trying to part the space between them, to touch, to press his warmth against hers in this cold, cold world. Was he really so deluded, had he really read her so wrong? Did she really not feel the same? Then why had she moaned like that, why had she looked so sad to turn him away? What had she told him she loved him, something even he didn't yet have the confidence to say without her acceptance?

"Do your worst," Ashamin said, inviting her with another step, another breath, another sound beat of his heart.

""