THRANDUIL
Realism [+2.5]
Firstly, I will say that you seem to have the mechanics of battle down. It has been fun watching you grow as a fighter!

For something you could improve on, make sure when you're comparing characters you are accurate to their given stats. You write that Ophelia might not be as quick as Thranduil, when in fact Ophelia's speed stat is higher than his. Always make sure to check profiles and the stats sheet to back-up what you write. I would have also liked to see you incorporate the surroundings and environment of the battle more.

I thought it was very realistic to have Thranduil's use of Archibald's magic be so hard to control and wild. For something foreign to Thranduil, especially a magic that is upgraded AND wielding two magics simultaneously, I thought you wrote this very well. Thranduil struggled with the magic and did not fully understand it, which was great! If he had fully understood or wielded it perfectly, I think that would have been stepping into meta-playing and you did a great job at keeping it realistic and within the game's parameters.

I also liked that you reference Thranduil's spat with Tingal and how it affected his movements in post two. Great job!

Emotion [+2]
The emotion throughout your spar was present. I loved Thranduil's manic humor and his passion for being a free man. It shows that you are really connected with this character!

Prose [+2.5]
You are a great writer with a unique style. However, try not to start sentences with “and” as it is not completely gramatically correct. You only had one error that I could find, listed below:

P1: “He laugher rolls” – His laughter


Readability [+2]
Throughout both posts you had some tense changes that made readability a little difficult. Coupling with that, you also went from writing actively to passively a few times, and that was distracting.



Finally tally: 50+(9*2)= 67 HP




OPHELIA
Realism [+2.5]
It is obvious you are an advanced fighter and know the mechanics of battle. You did well in comparing Ophelia and Thranduil in stats and history—having Ophelia compare Thranduil to Deimos was an excellent and realistic use of her battle-knowledge and history. Good job. You also did well in responding to Ophelia’s reverberated magic, and I really enjoyed reading it.

One thing I found to be in err was that you did not mention his companion’s magic in your second post. Make sure to respond to everything your opponent writes, even if it does not affect your character in any way. You mention the sun reflecting off the snow in post two, which actually would have been hindered some due to the Dark Mists. Read carefully!

Emotion [+1]
Ophelia was great in this partial spar. It is apparent you know her well. Her emotion was present in more than just the manifestation of her Passive Magic, which was nice to see. Her responses and feelings were incredible to read.

Prose [+3]
You are a great writer, with only one error I could see, regarded below:
P1: “And thusfar, my only chores…” :: thus far

One line that you wrote which made me begging for more was in post two, where you wrote: “No, truly this was about vengeance: the ever burning fire of her soul; red hot and violent it licked at the sides of her throat, tendrils curling up into her irises as she planned and executed her first attack.” The imagery of that was amazing.

Readability [+2]
Your posts were easy to read and fluid. It was obvious you proofread.

Finally tally: 54+(9.5*2)=  73 HP