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“Ama, when will I get to see the ocean?” His insistence breaks the silence of the cavern, the rustle of his body as he moves to gaze at you prompting a knowing glance, a soft smile. “I can’t help but feel like we’ve been over this before.” An audible groan leaves him as his bright eyes still heavy with sleep roll. “But I am older, and and,” insert proud puffing of chest here “I am strong. You’re always talking about it and… I want to know what it’s like. I’m tired of all of this snow, every day it’s snow, snow, and more snow.” You press your nose in to his chest just hard enough to cause a wobble, giggling at the scowl of utter anger that your son conjures up. It is a far cry from the terrifying thing he meant it to be.
“Snow isn’t so bad. You can build stuff out of it, and it keeps us cool in the summer when even the beach might as well be an oven and…” His face only loses the humor it didn’t possess in the first place, sinking it in to a glare. You shrug, beginning to pick yourself up from the floor. “It stops us from having to garden to make the place look pretty too, that’s probably the best part.” He nearly trips over himself as he rushes from the mouth of the cave to get away from you, stomping his feet extra hard as he steps in to the snow as if to prove a point. Easily you close the distance, kissing the space between his ears gently. “I promise we’ll go soon, okay, baby?”
He only mumbles in response, something that you do not catch as she slips by in front of you towards the springs. It is unmistakable, the way she limps, drags herself within the snow. For moments you are too stunned to do anything, only watch as she struggles. It has never gotten easier, even in knowing that you can help, to see a friend suffer. Without a word to Etziel, confident in his competence enough to believe that he will follow, you turn and bolt for the healer’s cave, scrambling to gather anything that might even be remotely helpful. It is only seconds until you are satisfied with your collection and move to find her again.
“Oh, Ki,” your brows furrow as your eyes trace along the length of her body (slowly, as if your mere gaze could burst her in to flames, should you be too careless), bruised and broken, watch as the water fills itself with her blood. You grasp to understand all of the unimportant things—the whys, hows, whos—but you don’t want to know. You don’t want to know, don’t want to know because every time words have come from your mouth you have regretted it; because every time you have asked and hoped and said and done, nothing but heartache has been given. And so the words die, your tongue twisted with the taste of bile that has accumulated in the back of your swollen throat, your eyes clouded with the tears you have always cried.
You only find your place next to her, forgetting the herbs you had gathered, the solutions you had thought up, forget the boy that had been following you, who now stands quiet just out of reach, the rest of the world, pulling yourself close as you wrap your neck around hers, embrace her altogether too tightly, your face burying itself as much as it can within her swan-white hair. Without asking, without warning, from within your aching chest your magic sparks to life, its energy electric as it swarms through your veins, willing it along her body, with only the intent to soothe, to fix, to erase all of those hurts ingrained in all of the places that they would never belong.
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like punching in a dream, breathing life into a nightmare
