the Rift


Eye On What I'm After [Teaching Spar - Alysanne]

Erebos Posts: 474
Aurora Basin General atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.1hh :: Four HP: 75.5 | Buff: DANCE
Orsino :: Plain Kitsune :: Dark Illusions & Enyo :: Common Griffon :: Draining Clutch Heather
#3
EREBOS
The fight started out as bits of nothingness, plunged into serenity instead of villainy. It was almost peaceful, dipped below snow and greenery, fine firs and withered stalks. There was no hate resting between his skull and movements. There was no wrath courting the fire of his motions. He knew naught about her, and she knew naught about him, and all he had to go on was how he yearned to be more than the boy who faltered at every turn.

She, this Alysanne, didn’t even seem to want to fight (and to the lad who’d come from mountains, from legends, from toils and terrors of the great beyond, it was strange to believe there were some who resisted the call to arms). Perhaps the owl convinced her, in the way companions swayed their bonded. Maybe she yearned for power too, down in the depths of her quiet, tranquil soul.

The bird did have an intriguing effect on Orsino, who believed the hoot to be the makings of a battle cry and sneered, grunted, and hissed, eager and ready, bristling and fervent.

Only as the femme agreed, as she consented to his skirmish request, did Erebos truly study her. They were similar in height, and he’d likely have no daunting, overbearing presence over her. The wings, however, gave him pause, because there was so much to them, all feathers and plumage, all bright, gentle-looking things, and he wondered what it would be like to fly (or ruin them, Orsino crooned, and the scion envisioned blood and feathers on the maze floor).

Then she advanced, and his ponderings were muddled and mired by the taste, the relish, of battle, where his blood surged and his mind called to calculations, to devastation, to munitions. The embers bolstered against his heart, the darkness growled along his ears, and he only had the smallest of moments to defy the strength of the winged one’s prestige.

He attempted to dodge to the right as her body rose, as her hooves flailed, but the impact along his left shoulder was a brutal, bold beast, curling and foaming along his crown as the pain ricocheted through muscle and bone. A loud gasp unwound from his lungs, and he felt the air rush, swift and keen, away from the depths of his figure; breathless and shocked, muddled and bludgeoned.

It was like he was back with Ashamin and that damn bear skull, crushing him, defying him, courting him into disaster and loss, into conquest and defeat, reminding him of nothingness and no matter how hard he tried, it didn’t matter in the end. There was always someone better, someone stronger – and oh, how he wished it could be him one day.

Orsino, plunging amongst the layers of bracken and leaves, called across their void, along the haunting, poignant memories, vile and caustic, the same as he’d always been. Go for the wings! The wings!

The boy shook his head and chose not to glance at his newfound injury. He could feel it all the same, pulsing, pervading, irritating, nettling in one long, lingering laceration, billowing with blood in a slow, steady trickle. It wasn’t his first scar, and certainly not his last - just another reminder of inadequacy and the will to overcome his deficits.

But the wings? To scar those pretty, precious quills? Erebos knew the reasoning behind it; she might be rendered incapable of flying, of fleeing, if he’d managed to injure the down, if he’d cut and slashed in just the right places. It seemed wrong. It seemed unjust. Surely, that wasn’t what this gentle one deserved.

If it were the painted Colossus, or Ashamin again, the notions and sentiments would be altogether different.

So he ignored the little infidel and his wild sibilance, advancing solely on frustration and exasperation, for the strangling, biting, gnawing rasps of pain tore at his cranium in every movement, lowering his head, intending to engage her left hind with his deadly sword. With any luck, he wouldn’t have to be pressed to sever or split her beautiful plumage. With any luck, he wouldn’t have to remember the weight of this world and his terrible collapse along its warren ever again.

[1/3. 701 words.
* As Alysanne attacks his left, Erebos attempts to dodge to the left. Alysanne’s hooves cut against his left shoulder, causing a long, bleeding laceration down the length of it.
* Erebos tries to advance towards Alysanne’s left, lowering his skull in hopes of dragging his horn somewhere along her left hind.]
Image Credit


@Alyssane [oh yes, please tag me too!]

Teaching Notes:
Huzzah! Thank you for doing this with me! :D Of course you’re allowed to ask questions. You can either leave them here or slide them to me on Skype.

What Went Well:
* Emotions: You know Alysanne so well, and it shows! I love the little bits and pieces between her and Hemlock, and how she really didn’t want to be involved with this in the first place (PFT, IC things be damned ;D).

I really liked this part in particular: Maybe this would be easier. She still wanted to learn, even though her self-esteem had taken quite the punch after the last spar. She didn’t know Erebos and though she had certainly demonstrated an incredible ability to care far too much about those she didn’t know… it could, theoretically, make learning a little bit easier. If only he didn't look so young. She was going to have to stop thinking about her son whenever she looked at the youth before her if she was going to be even marginally successful in learning anything this time around. She has to manage to convince herself that this is a good idea, and the reminders about her son were awesome (oh yes, I want more of that, thank you very much!).

* Attacks: Its simple, concise, and easy to follow. Much appreciated!

To Work On:

Surroundings: I also fail at this, so I’ll be nit-picky with you and maybe I’ll remember to actually implement it myself. ;D But be sure to mention the surroundings, scenery, etc. and how it affects the fight. Can Alysanne utilize the labyrinth to her advantage? Can Hemlock? Could you do something with the water or the trees or all this snow? :D

Directions: While your attack was simple and concise, I also didn’t know where Alysanne was going in particular. I like having a direct line to follow. Tell me if she’s going left, right, up, down, where along his side, etc, just so I can have a clear view instead of picking it up myself. It’ll make it so much easier in the long run when you’re trying to respond to mine as well.

For instance: So it was that just after taking that backwards step, Alysanne surged forward - using her long strides to close the gap between them before shifting her weight to the back and rearing. She did not really want to hurt him, hoping to strike a shoulder instead of somewhere more delicate. She remembered how effective using her wings to buffet Tembovu's face had been and mentally shied away from any attack that might draw blood. Her wings stayed pinned to her sides as she moved, green eyes already rimmed with white out of fear as her heart started to race. Here would’ve been a good place to tell me which shoulder (left or right), where she’s coming from, etc.

* Grammar: Again, you’re battling Captain Nit-Picky. Just one thing:

Had he somehow learned of how expertly she had failed in her last attempt. - Should end with a question mark: Had he somehow learned of how expertly she had failed in her last attempt?

To Think About:
* Upcoming Damage: Once the dice roll goes down, how is Alysanne going to be injured (or not – Erebos is really good at missing XD)?

* Upcoming Emotions: The hardest thing about these nice characters is putting them into spars/fights and their struggle with emotions. How does she feel about fighting? How does she feel about injuring someone else? Tie it into her son aspect – I already liked that. :D What about Hemlock? How does he feel about the whole thing? How is that sore wing going to impact her?


Messages In This Thread
RE: Eye On What I'm After [Teaching Spar - Alysanne] - by Erebos - 03-22-2016, 06:52 PM

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