She hadn't expected him to embrace her. To hold her like he always did whenever she cried. It only made it hurt more. She had destroyed everything they had, what they could have been, and nothing she could say or do would ever fix that. She cried harder into his broad chest, taking in his scent and savoring it, because when would be the next time that she would be able to see the man that she so deeply loved. How she hadn't seen it before was puzzling, enough to make her want to smack herself in the face over and over again for being such a fool. What Quilyan and her had had was something that was never supposed to happen. It just had. There was no warning, it was an explosion that blew them both away and led to this time now. She didn't love him, she didn't think she could even if she had tried. He had been kind to her, he most likely would always be kind to her, but deep down she knew that it just... would never happen. She could try, she could put on a fake smile and pretend she was in a happy relationship, but at the end of the day she would only think of Cerin. Emerald eyes and tender smiles. Gentle kisses and sweet embraces like the one now.
This was what she loved about him. Only he could make her feel this way, couldn't he see that? The image came into her mind abruptly, and as soon as it folded out before her she was reluctant to keep watching, to accept it all and what he was trying to convey. No. She couldn't let him decide that for her. She wouldn't accept his decision because it was not his decision to make. Pulling away she looked at him with nothing but hurt, betrayal and confusion. Eyes still brimming with tears, she turned to him, voice filled with the anguish she felt towards him right now," How could you ask that of me Cerin? To make me choose someone that I do not want to be with. I don't love him, nor will I ever love him." Her breath cut sharply in her throat, the tears coming down, but all she wanted to be was angry. Though being angry at Cerin was something she didn't think she could ever be.
He only meant well in the end, and if she knew him like she most likely did, he was probably blaming himself for all of this. The thought cause a bitter smile to cross her complexion, before she finally looked to him again, to meet those eyes that would always draw her back in, before letting her ears flatten and for her to place a sharp, yet hesitant nip on his neck. It wasn't meant to hurt, only to warn him that she wasn't happy or messing around. He needed to listen to her, and listen to her now. She pressed the area with a tender kiss, as if to apologize for acting so aggressively, yet her hazel eyes held a fire that showed her inner determination.
" You're... you're being stupid!" she spoke at last, her wings fluttering furiously in her frustration, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed as she did her best to come off as upset. Only she looked like a child pouting. Any sane person wouldn't take this expression seriously, but if Cerin knew her as well as he used to, he would know that she was being completely serious. The action towards him was one she hadn't expected to ever do, but she also felt liberated, thriving off of her new ability to actually be something other than happy. Slowly but surely, she lifted herself back onto her feet defiantly, keeping a strong stance as she looked at him and spoke firmly," I'm not the same girl you met in the Heavenly Fields all those years ago Cerin. I've changed... though for the better is what's debatable." She looked away then, eyes full of shame and the tears threatening to fall down those porcelain cheeks yet again. How hard she fought it, tried her best to keep them back, but all of the pent up frustration only brought them forward.
" Can't you see that I want you? That I love you so much and the thought of losing you; again, it would just... just..." she choked back the sobs, she had to do this right dammit! She wasn't going to fall, to crumble to the floor and sob like a little child. No, she would keep her firm footing, would look at him head on and finish what she had to say. He was going to listen, because he was the only one that actually seemed to, and this was enough to spur her to continue with her little speech;" It would kill me Cerin. As I told you before... he was a decision that was regrettable. He was something I took as a medication... to heal the pain of not having you. If you do not want to be with me now because I've been... tainted, then I understand. But then tell me that instead of trying to hide your hurt behind a stupid mask!" She stomped a hoof and brought her face closer to his, eyes filled with hurt and that fire that had yet diminished.
" You can't hide behind a mask forever my love, look what it did to me."
OOC: -Myrrine drops mic and walks out- I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT
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