my kingdom come

Mother had been angry, furious— muttering unintelligible things in a guttural growl, her brindled brows furrowed to accentuate her rage. I had been busying myself with target practice, shooting pretty red gems from the bottom of the pool into trees. My legs had been sore, begging for me to take a break from shooting. Instead of being greeted with the usual greeting Mother gave (which was none at all), I got a deep snarl that numbed my limbs. I knew then I had done something wrong, that I had failed Mother in some way— perhaps she'd found out I'd asked aunt Nymeria about Volterra, and she was here to exact the punishment.

The first strikes had been bearable, the one that started it all unexpected— I let them happen, I stood my ground and took them as she brought down her hooves. I did as she always wanted me to do, even as I began to curl into myself as the force behind her strikes became unbearable. She had bit with her blunt teeth, burrowed them into my withers and screamed into my neck as her hooves dragged down my sides. I didn't cry out, worrying my lip as I felt her puncture the skin.

It all went downhill from there, because she didn't stop like she normally would after my blood began to ran— no — she kept going. Deep into the tissue she dug, like she was looking for something she'd lost there, something we both knew she'd never find. The first tears fell, everything collapsing as her spittle flew and the insults came spilling out from bloodstained lips. I fell into a state of detachment as she beat me, but each word rang clear through my head. They stung my wounds and made my tears fall harder. Finally she kicked my throat, temporarily cutting my air supply. I shuddered at the feeling of my throat closing up, swelling and contracting beneath the expanding tissue her hooves had struck.

I remember the world being a blurry disaster of salt, metal and utter pain. I remember trembling like a cold newborn child, the pressure of her slate hooves against my ribs, threatening death. Just before she could crush them, her clouded eyes cleared and she left me there. I don't know for how long I lay, wishing she had in fact just shattered my ribs and let me suffer a quiet death.

I had lumbered away into the night, running far and as fast as my sore, unsteady legs could carry me. I stumbled along, tripping over roots and rocks, hitting full grown trees and falling into bushes. I panicked, looking behind me more than in front, fearing that she was following me with the same terrifying fury consuming her rational thoughts. I cursed myself for leaving Sabre with her, but I couldn't turn back now— I just pray Mother really did like Sabre enough to not beat her as harshly.

I finally collapsed at the bank of a river, shouting as I stumbled and felt my knees give way beneath me. My body hit the ground with a solid thud, cold snow melting around my blood caked body, an unpleasant feeling that I couldn't take care of in this state. I laid there, breathes coming in an unnatural fashion and eyes clamped shut, afraid of seeing Mother looming over me.

I cried.

For the first time since my birth, I began to sob uncontrollably, all this pent up emotion spilling out as I lay vulnerable among frost covered grasses. I felt weak, I felt low. I wanted it all to stop, to stop feeling. It was all too much and I didn't like it.

"Talk."