The only response she got aside from a small, crooked smile was,"There is little reason to madness." It was enough to make her ponder if Mauja decided to dismiss her technical question, or if he honestly didn't know the answer to it himself. Hazel eyes were left to watch blue ones intensely, to let him seem to figure out things in his own mind while also half listening to what she had to say. Only when did she begin to explain she wished to address one of her own issues with him, did he suddenly come to full attention. It seemed that he preferred to ignore his problems in favor of listening to others. Perhaps this was a twisted sort of coping mechanism. When the spotlight was on her and only his genuine question left his lips, did she finally look away in almost shame. She couldn't explain it, couldn't figure out what it would mean for herself if she were to actually tell him what happened.
Who else could she even go to for advice? The only "girl" figure she had had been able to talk to was Kahlua, but the mare had been gone for quite some time. It made her momentarily miss her, who she was and what she had been as Queen of the Edge. It had been a happier time for the spotted girl. With soft eyes looking anxiously into Mauja's ones of hard ice, she finally found the words to explain her... predicament," To explain it is rather... difficult for me. I hope you can be patient with me. I suppose it's easier for me to start out saying that I have been going through a rough patch in my life. Granted... it's not that long of a life to begin with, but I have been facing difficulties." Was this even relevant? It was in a way, but perhaps Mauja wanted a shorter explanation than what she was offering. If she wasn't so worried about what he would think of her after all of this was said in done, she thought that perhaps this wouldn't be as difficult.
" Anyway..." she paused, taking a large breath and giving herself time to articulate what she was going to say next," The reason I mention this is because... I met someone whilst in my state of confusion and uncertainty."
Swallowing hard she looked at him apologetically, almost laughing in nervousness because she couldn't for the life of her just spit it out. Letting her wings flutter swiftly on her back, she finally took a long breath and continued in a slow, hesitant tone," I thought that; after speaking with him and trying to sort my emotions; that having erm... relations; with him, would help clear up my frazzled thoughts." She felt so filthy, dirty and unbecoming. Unable to really hold back the guilt, confusion and frustration, she stomped a hoof, doing her best to hold back the tears. She was tired of crying over everything; tired of feeling like she was being backed against a brick wall and had nowhere to go. She was done with the crying victim act, of simply shedding tears and people feeling sorry for her. She didn't want to be felt sorry for, she didn't want to always be that innocent little girl that either smiled at everything or cried because she just "had it so hard."
If anything it made her mad, made her wanna kick a tree and scream and tell the world to make it stop. So she did. She fought against the tears and instead snorted in frustration, turned to the nearest tree and kicked it as hard as her dainty little foot could. It hurt after she did, causing her to hop in it for a minute and nurse it, before finally looking sheepishly back at Mauja as he most likely had witnessed her entire display of emotions. It was enough to make her giggle nervously, to look up at him and to sigh heavily. She didn't know what to do. She didn't even know if she wanted advice from the spotted man before her. Perhaps she just needed someone to confess to. It had liberated in a way that was for sure. Looking into his eyes, searching for an answer, she finally spoke again in a softer tone," I just... don't know what to do now..."
OOC: She's a mess and this post is awful. I'm sorry.
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