Her name was broken escaping his lips, and soon said lips were upon her neck. She turned to him suddenly, smiling sweetly at him and happily accepting his embrace. Moving slowly, she rotated so as to face him directly, returning his affection with a tender touch to his shoulder. It was when their skin touched did she feel the taught sinew beneath his coat, coiled like a spring ready to release. Pausing, wondering if she should give him space, dainty skull turned to look at him quietly, only questions in those hazel depths. He was hiding something, not wanting to worry her but having an unspeakable fear about something she had said; perhaps about the situation at hand. Flicking her gaze away from his she removed her muzzle from him, but remained close enough so his muzzle could remain on her neck.
Perhaps his attempt to reach out was for his sake, and not hers. Yet she continued to explain, the tears still falling as he remained right there, not showing any signs of pulling away. In this moment he was like an anchor for her mind, holding her down as her imagination tried sailing away in the vast blue of anxieties, and for that she couldn't help but be thankful. Despite this she wanted to understand his nervousness, the hidden fears that were hidden away beneath that emotionless expression of his. How badly she wanted to see some sort of emotion come across that face. Sure, he had smiled at her before, yet had they truly been genuine? I don't think any emotion Mauja had displayed on his expression was truly genuine. Except... before he had run away from Tembovu. That hurt and betrayal; that had been the most expressive she had ever seen him.
Part of her almost felt jealous that he couldn't be that comfortable with her. Brushing aside her selfish thoughts, the spotted girl instead took this time to continue watching him, studying his expressions as he seemed to take in everything that she had said. No disgust was written on his features that she had feared would be, nothing showing that he was even upset, just the standard Mauja persona. How long could he keep that act up anyway? A sigh was the first sign that he was still with her and their conversation, the second his voice echoing through the trees. Watching him in total silence, only her ears showed she was paying attention to what he had to say. The tears began to dry upon her cheeks, no longer replenishing themselves with her sorrow. What was left was thoughtfulness, her mind and soul taking what he had said to heart; because he was absolutely right.
Only Cerin could forgive her, and perhaps the day would come in which he would, but until then, she would need to wait. To forgive herself for what would happen... she didn't think she could until Cerin had. Would he actually forgive her? Probably. Would everything be the same as it always had been? Absolutely not. Their relationship would be forever changed, and that's what hurt the most out of all of this. To redeem what she had done would always be at the back of her mind, longing to do whatever she could to show him that she really didn't mean it. She would take it all back in a heartbeat, continue to feel like she was living behind a mask if it meant Cerin and her could be what they had always been. Even if he was gone with no clue as to when he will return, even if she may never see him again would live the rest of her life behind that mask of sunshine, she would do it for him; because she loved him.
Mauja's next question caused her ears to instantly flicker towards him, just noticing that he was no longer caressing her neck. Turning to face him, she almost laughed at his question, but instead only offered a wry smile. How could she really answer that anyway, because in truth she had no idea. It was simply a feeling that he was alive... maybe not well, but alive nonetheless. Though it wasn't the best question, she understood why he would ask. People wonder if at some point if you should just give up, or keeping hoping that one day the ones you loved would return to you. Hadn't she done the same with Mother? After some time she finally found a way to form her answer, looking to him with a clear look in her eyes.
" Though I would say that isn't the best question to be asking, all I can say is I don't know," she began, nudging him gently in a joking manner, before finally growing serious and speaking softly," But just because I don't know, doesn't meant I've given up hope. Somewhere deep inside I can just tell that he's alive out there. He'll be back when he's ready, and I will happily greet him when he is." There was a bittersweet tone to her voice, and only after breaking the eye contact and looking into the trees did she continue," I had accepted that Mother was gone, because we are in two different worlds now, and she will never be back. Cerin well... I doubt he would ever go too far without me. We were always sewn at the hip it seemed." Laughing lightly at the sweet memories, she gained the courage and looked back to the older man next to her.
" It hurts, not knowing what the next day might bring; especially since I don't know if he'll be back or not. But I'm not going to assume the worst of him by saying he left me because... I just couldn't forgive myself if I did," there was a silence, almost hesitant, before she finally gained the courage to ask the question probing at her mind," Why are you so nervous Mauja? You can trust me... can't you?"
It almost hurt her to ask the last part, because she had always trusted this man, even before they had been introduced. She had placed her heart on her sleeve time and time again, had cried into his shoulders and told her life story, if that didn't express her trust than what would? Though she understood just because someone trusted you, it didn't mean you automatically trusted them back. But then what was it that she had done to make her come off as untrustworthy? She would do anything for Mauja, because she cared about him more than he probably knew. He had been her friend in dark times, and though they don't see each other as much anymore, she still considered him someone important to her, and he would always be one of her closest friends. She always said she had accepted that he would never feel the same way, but seeing him now, seemingly anxious and terrified (she could smell in on him like cheap cologne), she wasn't okay with letting him get away with it. If he could talk to Tembovu, then why not her? Was it just a guy thing? She could act manly if it made him feel more comfortable... Maybe that was going a little too far.
She was expecting an answer though, looking into those eyes curiously, determination peeking through as she almost dared him to dance around the subject. She wasn't going to back down this time, not after all he had done for her. She wanted to be his rock for once, to help him get through the pains he had in his life. From what she has seen from his actions so far, Mauja is a man that holds many secrets, ones that more likely than not are killing him inside. So why couldn't he... just this once... let someone share that burden with him. But she couldn't figure out the mind of Mauja, but in all honesty, he probably couldn't either.
OOC: Lots of rambles, Myrrine's done with these games xD
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