I am dreaming. Of this, I am sure.

Again and again I arrive on this plane, dragged here as I succumb to my innate need for sleep. It is an unbearable torture, having to relive these nightmarish scenarios every night. I know I am dreaming, but still, I cannot seem to wake.

I stand upon glass which reflects the heavens. But tonight, in this dream, it snows. To my left hovers the monster that arrived several moons ago. It is a winged beast, a shapeless form that grows and shrinks and heaves, covered in too many wings of various shades and shapes and sizes. It is as grotesque as it is unidentifiable, and it follows me wherever I go. I stopped attempting to rid myself of the haunt several nights ago, as I have come to understand that I cannot escape it. Perhaps it is my fear of being forsaken, of carrying a bare-headed child with wings upon its sides. My father raised me to hate, and his intolerance taught me fear and lack of understanding. Though I have grown, the fear still follows me.

As I walk, my pace brisk, the winged monstrosity churns beside me. The further I go, however, the more my surroundings become familiar. The tundra is vast around me, and the permafrost seems to reach up to meet my steps. I realize this is the way home. Soon I am nearly upon the pass that leads into the mountains. I see the sentinels, the great mechanic beasts that have rested dormant since my arrival to the Aurora Basin. Many days and nights I have spent in their shadow, doing the work they are no longer capable of doing.

As I cross into their shadows yet again, thankful to be home, an eerie creaking makes my gut twist and my heart stop. From their posts they creak to life, ice breaking away from them in great sheets. I spring away to avoid their rampage, and in doing so I shove the feathered heathen from their protective offense as well. I look back, and there they stand, metal giants blocking my way home. Before I can protest, before I can try to reason with the inanimate machines, a voice rings clear and loud.

'Begone.'

Before me, within the mountains, black smoke and clouds churn and twist angrily. They rise into the sky, blocking the ornate heavens from view. They take form, two monstrous glowing blue eyes appearing in the haze. Lord Deimos, made from the ghost of fire and storm, looms above me in the sky, larger than the mountains who harbor his, my, family. 'You do not belong!' His voice is firm, angry, disgusted, as he glares down upon me. His voice is greater than thunder, and it shakes me down to the core. I can barely speak back, I can barely keep my heart steady enough to keep from running.

"But why?" I ask, my voice dry as it leaves my tightening throat. "The Aurora Basin is my home. I am its general. Certainly there is a mistake? You can't send me away, please don't do this."

'Enough!' His voice thunders, causing my bones to rattle. Beside me the monster shifts and churns quicker, as if it can feel fear as well. 'You do not belong! You have borne a beast of wings, of feathers, of shame. What you have produced is not welcomed here, and because it is of your womb, of your creation, you have forsaken us, and you have failed.' Tears spring to my eyes, and I can feel the brush of wings as the haunt to my left slinks closer. 'Because of your offspring, it is clear you do not belong. You no longer live here. This is no longer your family.'

I lean back, aghast and terrified, but unwilling to protest. But I cannot move, I cannot pull myself away. 'Begone!' my King repeats, before he rears, great hooves scraping the air. His final words cause the very air to reverberate. 'You are banished, and outcasts are not welcome upon my threshold.'  

Hooves slam into the ground, and from the ground burst great mountainous teeth that threaten to eat me whole. The jagged rocks leap from the ground, the fissure racing towards me as more mountainous boulders leap upwards. I push the winged creature away, forcing it to retreat, and I follow, running as hard as my legs will take me. I am exiled, I am banished, I am inexcusable. I cannot escape the shame that has been put upon me. As the sharpened terra overtakes me, crushing my bones and burying me beneath the rubble, I see the horrific winged creature killed by the king's sharpened ice and stone. I scream for it, because despite its mutation it is my child, and as we are torn apart, I can't help but think I hear it scream back.

Mother.

_____________________________

Typically when she woke, the pain of her nightmares subsided and she was left with nothing but a fading memory and a cold sweat. But as her silver eyes flashed open, pupils constricting, breath caught in her chest, another shooting pain shot through her abdomen. She gasped, legs flailing as she desperately tried to stand. Heaving herself upright, another contraction nearly brought her back to her knees. A shrill whinny burst from her lips, a scream that wouldn't be captured by any other soul. She lurched forward, breaths ragged as her heart raced. She was alone. So terribly alone. It was no different than any other time. Except that it was. It was horrifying, and terror raced through every vein and capillary as she tried to move forward. Maybe she had time to find others. Maybe she was near another herd who would welcome her in as an ailing pregnant mare. She prayed, pleaded, begged for absolution. 'Sanctuary,' she would beg, 'Please give us sanctuary.'

Kneel!

Another painful spasm tore through her and she fell to her knees. Her tail lashed as her muzzle found it's place in the dirt, forced into a deep bow by the grips of nature. "Please," she gasped, talking to any god who would listen, "Please, not like this. Please don't let my die here. Please bring my children into this world. Don't leave them motherless. Don't let them die. Not them. Not here. Not now." Her voice was nearly a sob, shaking with the pain that began to grow increasingly frequent. It was like the tide, the current slamming the same waterlogged branch into the cliff side again and again and again. "Please, hear my prayer."

As another contraction met her womb, she collapsed further, laying upon her side beneath the Frostfall sky. Her breaths were labored and nostrils flared as she drank in the cool night air. Her gaze was lifted to the heavens, and above her the inky blue was alive with twinkling stars and far-off galaxies. The moon was as swollen as she, casting it's pallid glow across the great curves of the starlit princess.

It was a beautiful night to die, but even more so, it was a beautiful night to live.

Ragged gasps turned to even breaths as she focused on what was happening. With each painful contraction, she allowed herself to become enveloped in thousands of years of instinct. Each push seemed harder than the last, but still she endured.

She felt the foal come, felt her enter the world beneath galaxies that had seen the births of so many. Ki'irha sighed, relieved, and fought to lift her head. The sac had broken, and she urged the babe to breathe. But before she could lay her lips upon the child to provide motherly help, the pain returned.

Why had it returned?

Her head fell back, and the pain surged through her body with a vengeance. "No," she breathed, forcing the word from her throat. She needed to help her foal, she needed to encourage it to stand, to nurse, to breathe, to take in its first moments of life successfully. Again and again the contractions kept her down, until she felt it. Another child slipped from her.

The air was silent around her, and she willed herself to lift her head. As her stormy gaze landed upon the twins, something ignited in her chest. It wrapped around her heart, branding the very sinew of her soul and being with it's force and passion. It traced through her brain as she took them in, memorizing each spot, each sparkle, each downy feather. For the first time in her life, she didn't taste disgust upon her tongue when she laid eyes upon their wings. They were hers, and the starlit mare wouldn't have imagined anything more beautiful than the two small bodies that lay beside her.

Heaving herself off the damp ground, with nothing but the softest groan leaving her lips as she moved her child-free body, she turned her entire body towards them. She ran her pink tongue over them, eagerly moving from one to the other, cleaning them as instinct told her to, encouraging them to stand and drink in their first breaths of life.

The first child, elder to its twin only by moments, was a delicate filly. Her coat bore the most exquisite galaxy, topped with white that faded down her sides, and glittered in a way that would make the stars envious. Even her wings, so small and so perfect, seemed to glow, as if blessed by the moon herself. The center of her forehead held the slightest bump, and Ki'irha could only assume it would become a crown the babe would wear proudly. A smile lit the blue girl's features as she looked upon her first born child, and it didn't fade in the slightest as her silver eyes moved to fall upon the form of the younger twin.

Moving her velveteen lips to the other child, she found a colt. His jet-black coat was flawed only by sparse pinpricks of white, and she pressed her nose, a delicate kiss, against the trio of spots that rimmed his nostril. The smallest bump upon his brow, nearly a gem of onyx glass, proved he would wear a crown as well. Upon his shoulders he bore wings, small downy things, and she preened them with care. The colt was as remarkable as his sister, and she couldn't have imagined him any different.

Once satisfied with her work she pulled away, looking over them. As they teetered on spindly legs, Ki'irha made sure they didn't fall. That was her job now - to hold them up, to ensure they would never fall, to know that, no matter what may come, she was there. She would always be there. And as they looked up at her, dependent and needing, she couldn't imagine how it ever felt to have her heart ache. They had healed her wounds and sown her back together.

So as dawn broke over the grove, kissing the horizon with the warm shades of morning, she welcomed them to this world. But despite the beauty of daybreak, she couldn't pull her eyes away. For they were her sun, they were her moon, and she was simply a satellite, paled by their glow, and that was a perfect way to be.

words

@Vesper @Virga ~ Open to others, but please allow Vesper and Virga to post first! Welcome to Helovia, star babies!