My first memory is of sand. Hard, gritty, sticky sand.
It felt like I was swimming in it - gone the sensation of being safe, cradled. Those were not so much memories but feelings and with each moment I spent exposed and in the sand (that I didn’t have a word for, really, but knew it must be a terrible word) those sensations were pulling further and further away from me. There was a brief, terrifying moment where I felt lonely in that gritty substance - as though I had been cast out and abandoned there.
But soon my eyes opened, rich brown eyes opening to a world that was too bright and too big and overall too much... until I found them. Another my size and two that were larger.
Instinct told me that despite the sand, despite the brightness, with these three I was still safe.
I was close to them but not as close as I wanted to be so I began to squirm, trying to figure out which way was supposed to be up, how I was supposed to get closer to them.
One, mother, nuzzled me and I felt warmth course through me at her touch and it reaffirmed those feelings of being safe, of belonging here, and I reached out to do the same to her. Only, my motions were jerky and uncoordinated even where I was lying so that I toppled forward and potentially hit brother instead of her. I squealed a little bit in indignation but as I fell forward I managed to get my forelegs beneath my body and that felt like a victory.
Slowly, carefully, I tried to continue and get the rest of my legs beneath as well - pushing on them and against that nasty sand so that I could try to stand.
It took a couple tries - each fall punctuated with a squeal and on the final attempt, I snorted (almost angrily) with the effort but finally succeeded in getting my legs beneath me.
But now that I was standing, I didn’t know what to do next.
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