V O L T E R R A The goliath's ears pivot, his nostrils flare, and his eyes flicker; he uses all his senses to try and pick up any sign of an approaching opponent. He is glad he has chosen such tricky conditions in which to fight, because there is a good chance that, when he is a king, he will meet an enemy who chooses to attack beneath the cover of a storm. He needs to be prepared for that eventuality. When he has sparred in weather like this previously, he has shamelessly stolen the eyes of his dragons to help him see through the deluge. Today, however, he resists that urge. He imagines a scenario where this hypothetical enemy possesses magic that severs his bond to his precious companions; he imagines this enemy approaching him through the storm and catching him unawares. He narrows his mental bond with the red and gold down to the tiniest tendril, and relies solely on his own senses. It's harder than he'd anticipated; he itches to delve into his dragons' minds and see through their sharp predator's eyes. It worries him how reliant he seems to be upon their senses in conditions like these, and this helps strengthen his resolve to fight without their help. He will not become a true warlord, a living embodiment of steel and invincibility, until he can fight completely independently from his scaled weapons. He feels like a blind man without his dog; a superhero without his cape. But, he thinks grimly, it will help in the end. It's his ears that pick up the first sign of his approaching foe. In the lapse between a flash of lightning and the ensuing lion's roar of thunder, there's a moment of blessed, peaceful silence - and in this gap, this abyss between worlds, he hears the squelch of hooves on mud. Instinct seizes him, and he begins to turn towards the sound. He receives a faceful of rain for his troubles, and growls angrily as he's forced to narrow his eyes against the torrent. His opponent is wily, approaching with the rain at their back. This won't help his dragon-less senses, and he silently begrudges his own damn stupidity about not seizing the initiative to stand with his back to the rain before his opponent could. Because of the leviathan's half-turn to his right, his foe's hooves strike just behind the region where his left foreleg joins his side. As he's in motion when the hooves collide with him, it's a slide moreso than a solid connection, which lessens the damage he's dealt; his flesh blossoms into a light bruise, painful but not impeding. The base of his neck is dealt a similar blow by his opponent's teeth, but again he's spared some damage because of his movement. The bite creates a small, localized and irritatingly painful bruise akin to a hornet sting, and his tail involuntarily slaps against his flanks as though to dissuade said hornet from attacking him again. His eyes are blurred by the rain, and his ears are lost in the tangled storm of his mane because of this frustrating fact. He can just make out the general shape of his opponent - tall, only a tad less so than himself, but thin and spindly rather than bulky and powerful - and it takes every ounce of his resolve not to jump into the eyes of one of his dragons in order to take a closer look. No, he will do this au naturel, as though he has no companions. Turning further right, into the rain driving against his face, is not the most sensible idea he's ever had. But it seems to be his only option - he's a massive, cumbersome creature, whereas what he can make out of his opponent implies that they're slim and speedy. It's unlikely Volterra could turn fully to his left, to try and use his hindlegs to attack, before his foe could move out of the way. So right it is; the sensation of the rain hammering into his face is almost unbearable, and he ducks his head to try and negate it, but he's still damn near blinded by the storm. He hopes to turn enough to bring himself facing his opponent's left shoulder in a T-shape, violently swinging his haunches and using the slick ground to aid the speed of the movement. He aims to bite the slender stallion's left withers (or the rain-blurred approximation of them), hoping to plant a harsh nip on them as he had to Volterra; simultaneously, his left forehoof stomps sharply down, attempting to grind the tip of the hoof down the outside of the other male's left foreleg. He hopes to create one long, continuous bruise from knee to fetlock, using the colossal weight of his feathered foot. ________________ Teaching spar for @Seanan ! Teaching notes below! :D 1/3 - 798 words

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Teaching notes:

Spelling/grammar/prose - Hoooolyyy damn your writing is beautiful! Sentences like this: 'Rose-tinted eyes close as he stands immobile in the pouring rain, head turned up as if in worship' and 'The shine of his coat is transmuted by the deluge of water, turning him from a figurine of pearl into a spectre in the dark' had me <33333-ing at the screen. I love your use of italics - I'm a shameless ho for italics - and your overall prose was absolute perfection.

Your spelling and grammar were flawless, so overall this particular section of my notes seems rather redundant xDD I always find that if you can get the basics of spelling/grammar down correctly, the rest of fighting is pretty easy to master. Not to mention the fact that there's whole sections in the judging rubric for readability and prose, so you're well on your way to scoring highly in those, which means you're well on your way to getting a good score overall.

I'm not sure if you already know how the judging works (please slap me if you do haha) but your rubric score is doubled and then added to your remaining HP from the dice rolls. This pretty much means that it's very possible to overturn a HP deficit after the dice rolls, as long as you do the writing part well. So whilst having good stats is a great starting point and gives you more room for error with your writing, doing the 'fighty part' well means that you have a great chance of winning even if the dice screw you over! In other words, try not to get disheartened if you ever have bad rolls against you :)

General spelling/grammar is, imo, the easiest way to rack up points in the rubric, so keep up the great work! :D

Emotion - I got a basic grasp of Seanan from this post, but I'd love to see more! I liked his bit about how he might not have accepted the challenge had he seen the dragons, so you could maybe elaborate more on that in his next posts. I love reading my opponent's motivations behind the fight, and their reactions when they or my character land a hit. I personally find that pumping emotion into fight posts can be quite tricky, especially if it's a more technical fight where a lot of your word count is taken up by attack and defense, so what I suggest doing is reading the fight posts of some of the characters who fight often and have a lot of buffs. I'd suggest someone like Gaucho, Ashamin or Mauja, as their fight posts are always full of feels and they can definitely give you a good idea of what judges look for when it comes to emotion.

I wouldn't suggest analysing Volterra's fight posts too deeply - he has the emotional range of a boulder xP He basically fluctuates between anger and more anger in his fight posts, but I've made a rod for my own back by making him such a fight-orientated, fearless and volatile character. I love the challenge of writing that in fights, although sometimes I wish he was slightly less shallow lmfao. For you, Seanan's free to develop in any way you see fit during your fight posts, and I can't wait to read more of him! :D As long as you stay true to his personality and the judge can see why he feels everything he feels, you should be fine in this particular section.

Attacks - I loved the way Seanan approached with the driving rain behind him - this is a great idea and definitely incorporates the surroundings! However I would have liked to see you spell out WHY he's doing this. So the rain goes in Vol's eyes and not his, so he can try to get the element of surprise, etc? Mentioning the surroundings is always a great idea but make sure you really elaborate on how they're going to affect you and your opponent.

As for your attacks themselves, they were really good as a whole! I love attacks that happen simultaneously or in close proximity, as I always find they're a lot more realistic than attacks over a longer period of time. After all, most fight posts are probably only a few seconds in length! So it was a great idea to have him lash out with his hooves and bite at the same time. You were clear where you were aiming for, and I could visualise the attack in my mind.

My only small gripe was that you say Seanan is 'trying for the muscular black withers he knows must be there somewhere, in the dark, over the broad back'. To me, this implies he's reaching fully over Vol's back to bite the opposite side of his withers, which would be tricky given he's half-rearing to attack with his feet. I'd have been inclined to say he leaned across the back rather than over it, which seems more like he's aiming for the nearest part of the withers. This is only a tiny thing, though - overall your attacks were great! :D

Damage taken - N/A

Other - You did a good job of mentioning the surroundings, and you made reference to Vol's height and general warrior-ness. You could also mention their stat differences by looking at their base stats - for example, Vol's stronger, so his hits will hurt more, but Seanan is a lot faster and has greater endurance. You could mention how this will affect them - maybe Seanan could ponder over trying not to take any heavy hits and playing the long game so Vol tires first, or something.

The only other thing I'd say was that your fight post was quite short. You're allowed up to 800 words, and you only used 473. You could have used your remaining 300+ words to cram in some more emotion, or note the surroundings/your opponent some more. Obviously quality is better than quantity, and although your post was short it was still really good, but I always use as many of my allowed words as possible - there's always something I can find to add in, whether it be a more descriptive sentence for the weather or a more specific positioning for an attack.

Overall this was a great fight post, considering it's only your second fight, you're doing great! ^_^