Tandavi

I'll light a fire in your new shoes.

"You are always running away."

She jerks back, rigid, her entire body flinching with the cruel sting of his silver voice. He casts himself upon her like a shadow over the sun, storm clouds swallowing the light from the sky; and she shrinks, no longer ardent, no longer bright, her brilliance dimmed by the force of his wrath. She remembers the terror she feels in the dark (I told you, I told you, and I told no one else), the way it enveloped her, cutting out all warmth-

-and she remembers waking up from it lost and alone, without even Natraj-

-and she remembers running, fleeing when Lace needed her most (Is that why they chased me away from his grave?)-

-and she remembers running, again, when Gaucho gave her a crown she never sought to wear-

-and she remembers his words, just moments ago, because they're echoes, repetitions, the same cruel strain she repeats to herself when she can't sleep at night-

"You are always running away."

-but it's not-

"Always running away."

-but I-

"Always."

-I didn't want to-

"Running."

-You don't understand-

"Away."

-I...-

-You...-

"You ran away, first," she whispers to the boy, her voice cold fire and hot rage, her eyes burning embers, her ears flat on her skull. Fury (with whom?) shakes her to her bones, a flaring wrath overtaking her (I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry) as she stares Caneo down, refusing to step away, refusing to yield, refusing to let the loathing and despair that rises like a tidal wave of mire within her belly reach its abyssal claws around her burning heart and swallow it, snarling and smiling, into its hungry pit.

She resists the urge to snarl back.

Instead she takes another step, rigid and coiled, knowing there is danger here, knowing he could strike, and almost wishing he would. They could touch, now, if either would unwind; if softness were possible, for either wounded child. "You left. They left. Everyone left me behind." Let him hate her- at least then her fears would be confirmed. "They left me in a world of darkness - of monsters - and when it came time for me to save the last person I loved, I ran away. Like a coward." And there it is- her secret, her shame, the thing that haunts her in the night. The reason she runs- because If I failed that time, who's to say I will not fail again?

From the floor and in her mind Natraj whines, his tails flickering agitated fire, his desperate pleas falling on deaf ears.

Fire Dancer is lit in flame, embers flickering uproariously around her body; yet all she feels is cold. Anger and hurt wage war upon her moon-slashed face; she does not notice the hot tears which sit upon her cheeks, does not feel the heaving of her sides, the way her tail lashes, the twitching of her left flank as she glares upon Caneo with the force of all she is. She notices, at last, the snake which coils, infuriated, around his horn - and while normally this would cause the girl no small delight, she sees it now as another slight, a sting, a slap- Of course. He doesn't need me anymore. Again comes her brother's howled plea, urging her to calm, to reconsider- and again, it goes unheeded.

The mire monster in her belly grins. It can taste victory on its putrid tongue.

As abruptly as it rose, the girl's fury fades. What is the point? What did she expect? That he would be her hero, her stalwart stone in the storm of her soul, the one who forgave her, when she could not forgive herself? He is not alone anymore- why would he need her?

"You're right. I'm always running. But I never ran away from you," Her dark eyes are honest, tired, the flicker of a mirthless smile drawn across her narrow face. "I will, though, if you want me to." Her alto voice is settled smoke, calm black water, accusing, resigned. Hate me, it dares; Forgive me, it begs; Love me, it whispers, and knows he never will.