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06-30-2016, 05:05 PM
She didn't hesitate, so Ashamin shouldn't have either. He didn't really--certainly not like he had in the past with Torleik or the wild blood bay stranger--but he also didn't move quick enough.
It wasn't that the mare was faster than him. She'd been quick to accept his invitation but not as quick to charge forward as he would have been. He imagined the clumsiness of wings in woods as dark and close as these could not be a convenience, perhaps they were weighing her down.
So no, it wasn't that she was faster. The mare was smaller than he, so that might have been expected, but Ashamin had been training well and overtime his stride had transformed from something tentative to a long and graceful extension of his strength. He carried himself forward with honor every time he stepped. Did the mare?
The Clovenheart wasn't sure. How could he be, when he didn't know her? Clearly such thoughts did not pin her mind down to the earth with the burden of hesitation, though. That was why she caught him off guard, in the end. She was confident, and surprisingly so. When she charged towards him she revealed armor, and suddenly the shadowy figure he'd been unsure of but willing to fight was a well-guarded threat. The light that burst from the summoning blinded not only Ashamin but his companions; since all three were more accustomed to the dark than light, what that may have aided her caused them to falter.
Thus, Lochan could not serve as the watchful eye like usual. All three of the stags staggered back, blinking furiously. Was it magic that she used against him, or was the armor an item like his own? Had she not even been wearing it before?
Ashamin didn't have time to wonder. Though the pegasus' feigning was clever, it didn't make a difference now that the painted buck struggled to see. He did not move right or left, did not try to calculate her intent, he only moved back. His forehand lifted off the ground for a fraction of a second and his back hooves shuffled away from the source of the light, narrowly missing a puddle. One step further and the Clovenheart would've been in trouble.
It was then, just before his hooves fell back to the earth and as he wildly tossed his head about, that the mare's teeth caught the flesh of his neck. Given his change in positioning she hadn't hit her mark, but the stag had been too distracted to avoid her entirely. A dull grunt pushed its way through his teeth as the pain surged through him, and blood--unforgiving and new--peeked through thick scrapes on the right side of his neck. They traced a few grisly looking lines above his shoulder, towards the front of his figure, but the image was worse than the external damage. What would really hurt the Clovenheart would be the bruises--the burning, ugly wound of them that would protest every time he turned the other way to stretch the muscle there. The pain was bad, but Ashamin had felt worse. As sparks burst from the blood to slowly knit him back together, Ashamin cursed her for aiming where his armor didn't cover; then again, he couldn't blame her for being smart.
There was something good, too, about the hurt. It was familiar, a shock to his system; it could, for just long enough, provide him with clarity. His breathing relaxed and he could hear it, loud in the quiet of the wood. Rakt and Lochan returned to themselves as well, and thankfully just in time. Rakt had already been shaking his head in confusion, but now when he tossed it he saw an attacker headed straight for him. Young as he was, Rakt refused to be caught off guard. He dodged the bird easily by throwing himself to the left and then leaped up at an angle, aiming to catch the falcon in the thorny trap of his antlers.
Just as Rakt returned to his warrior ways, Lochan returned to watching. What he saw was the mare's next move in its nascent moments, and what followed was a warning to his bonded. Ashamin saw the wing in his mind as a feathered black streak and dodged the best that he could, all while steeling his mind for his next move. His hindquarters swung to the right (and away from the puddle) as he tried to position himself like a wall before her. The fang he wore expanded to form a mask and, without mercy, he lunged forward to try and grab the arm bone of her wing as he had when fighting Einarr.
Hopefully this time, with speed and the Bear God on his side, he might be more successful.
""
ASHAMIN
The Clovenheart
WC: 800/800
AP: 1/3, 0/1
Notes: Ashamin used his mask of the bear god! Look on his profile for a detailed description of its appearance and effects.
Teaching Notes:
+ Wings: Ah, yes! Thank you for including these. It seems simple, but it's important to remember that Pegasus' are a different species with these huge appendages. If anything, write about them more. Since spars are physical, every weight acting on Parelia's body will be something she's thinking about. But really, I loved to see this and I thought how she used it was very clever as well.
- Environment: I didn't see very much of the environment in your post, and you had quite a few factors in your attack that could have used it! Penna made use of the shadows and showed pare some things, but did the darkness hinder her in a way that she was reliant on him? Did she encounter any problems with her wings bumping into the trees, or slipping in puddles? Since they aren't in a smooth plains clearing these are all factors you should take into account.
+ Items: Great use of these! I don't know how intentional it was to go for the gap in Ashamin's armor here since Parelia wasn't thinking about it in her post, but good job. You also were smart to use Phi's armor, though maybe next time mention the light, which is part of the item description and was a huge environment change for both of them. You could have used it to illuminate the surroundings for Parelia so she could see better. Overall though, great job using these. I encourage you to continue to think about how the weight of that armor will feel on her.
+ Companion Relationship: Spot on, Pare! They had great back and forth that was both natural and helped her in combat. :)
- Positioning Language: I say positioning language here rather than attack language here because you were great about saying she tried to attack. You need to be just as careful though when stating where you are in relation to the opponent; because the other player might have their character move, you can't be sure exactly where they'll be and where you'll be in relation to them, so instead of saying "As she neared his face" maybe say something more like "As she moved forward and hopefully neared his face." - Be Thorough: While it is of course never a requirement to hit 800 words, you should make sure that you are using as many words as you need to to make something very clear. You had the room left in your word count to add some of the language like I described just above, and you also could have talked about environment, emotion, or previous experience.
+ Stat Differences: Parelia did a great job of noting the differences in her body and Ashamin's, good job making sure to note these!
See Ashamin's profile for more information about Lochan, Rakt, and his various items.
All magic and force allowed, barring death and permanent injury.
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