Ashamin’s eyes were opened long before the small mare tossed her sand. The moment she cried out his gaze turned to her. The same black eyes that so many often struggled to read were wide enough now that his whites could be seen, and in that look he expressed the same cowardice that Ovidius knew to be lurking within the soul he so falsely hoped was brave. If he was to be a monster, could he not at least be a brave one? This was what he told himself when his magic proved to be devastatingly effective, and what he told himself as he hastened to hide the evidence of his low blow.
The manifestation dissipated as quickly as his confidence, and with its parting he vowed to leave magic out of this spar until it was done—and he could only hope that would be soon. Ovidius’ attempt to fling sand at him fell short, but the gesture still held the fire of a fight in it. Only this time she was being smart, and she was doing as he said.
Bolstered by the integrity-filled vow he had taken to not use magic and strengthened by Ovi’s passionate display, Ashamin did his best to not let dark thoughts consume him. He forced Lochan and Rakt to retreat to the sidelines and keep their words out of his criminally susceptible mind, and instead focused on moving forward.
“Good,” he said aloud, though his heart was no longer in the advice. He praised her for keeping her distance as he had suggested (or had he begged?) but given how much he had still hurt her the accolade felt hollow.
“Now…” his voice hitched, his heart stuttered. “Brace yourself. If you see someone coming, get ready to either stand your ground to take the hit if you want to stay in close combat and have the strength left, or to dodge and deliver a quick blow of your own,” Ashamin tried to explain through the muddled mix of his own thoughts and emotions, which seemed to battle for his affection as he basked in the unwanted love of battle. The part of him that was pumping blood faster relished every moment, but somehow it also knew that with every step forward he should turn back. This wasn’t a lesson any more, it was a beating.
For whatever reason, though, Ashamin did not yet give in. He tried to run towards Ovidius in a wide circle, aiming for her left hindquarter with a plan to eventually have his neck outstretched, poised to bite. The only problem was, before he could even possibly reach her, he was cursed with a stab of pain. As his right forehoof sank into the sand he found his stride shortened and delayed, and Ashamin accidentally overextended his left foreleg. The result was a sliding collision, and a clean but throbbing cut made in his right cannon by the sharpened clefts of his left forehoof. The deep red marks were quickly hidden by the electricity that burst from them, but the pain was present and not so easily ignored.
The Clovenheart channeled the hurt into a grunt instead of a cry and paused only for a moment before pushing on, wincing and biting down hard whenever he was forced to put weight on his right—knowing that he would regret moving forward at all when this was done. He could not stop now, though, and use magic to attack. Not after saying he would leave the stuff alone and even this playing field. He had played tough, taught her that not all would go easy, and now he would try to do as little damage as possible.
When he thought he could be close enough he did as planned, reaching out to try and snap at her left hind, just behind the hip. The attack was barely one, and something that in any other context might be read simply as a warning. His right cannon throbbed and he found himself lifting it and curling it, for though the soft surface of the sand didn’t put much pressure on it, he was happier to have it out of the line of any possible fire. Ashamin had hoped to approach her so that he might have his hind angled more towards her front than her back (in an attempt to avoid the possibility of being within striking distance of a buck,) but his positioning was still precarious.
The only thing was, with Ovi so hurt and his only lasting wound self-inflicted and already healing, Ashamin felt a reckless lack of care for his own wellbeing. Let the mare strike him, let her get in the blow she’d failed to so far. He deserved it.
""
Ashamin
793/800
PC: 3/3, 0/D
Teaching Notes
+
Emotion: As before, this was overwhelming in a good way and came through your writing to create an overall wonderful post! Keep up the good work.
-
Flow: There were just some spots here and there where I found myself stumbling over sentences and reading them a few times to get what they meant. You’re a very good writer and this isn’t a chronic problem, but it is something that can be very easily fixed with one or two read overs of a post while trying to be as objective about style as possible. I encourage you to make sure you’ve read all sentences closely to make sure they will track clearly and easily for the average reader, since this is something judges are really thinking about and taking into consideration in their rubrics.
-
Damage: Once again I think you just took too much here, and perhaps a lot of this is in how you describe it (which is like it's the most painful thing in the world, when it's a 5.) Not to mention you had Ovi fall down on her knees and exacerbate previous injuries, and falling down is a serious sign of submission (were this the end of the fight and had she stayed there, you would have gotten an HP docking.) But yeah, I think you did a great job thinking about the magic and the tachychardia and whatnot, but you then went a bit too extreme. I know you’re probably fighting the urge for dramatics, but especially in a friendly spar it can spiral pretty fast and lead to situations like this, where they want to be friendly but they’re all bloody and everything is awful. I think you could have done without some of your damage and been closer to a 5—as is what you have feels more like a critical hit from his magic. Not to mention that when you overdo damage it seriously hinders what your character can do! You chose to have Ovi do a very minor attack that couldn’t conceivably do much harm, and though it was realistic given her physical and emotional state, less damage would have freed her up to do much more and given you more attack options (and given me more options for taking damage rather than going the self-inflicted route.)
+
Magic/Asking Questions: Ashamin’s magics can be hard to understand but you did a good job interpreting it, and you also did a really good thing to ask me OOC what exactly the magic did since you weren’t sure. This ensured that you were able to respond in the best way possible and that I was understood correctly! That sort of cooperation really yields results and makes for a spar that is better for both of us, which is something judges will notice and appreciate. Two sparrers being on the same wavelength is key, so never hesitate to ask questions. That said, if asking for advice, know that you don’t always have to do exactly as the person says (and maybe shouldn’t!) I suggested flinging sand or something and you took me very literally, and didn’t have Ovi attack much at all, really.
~
Previous injuries: You did a pretty good job with this, or at least describing how they affected her appearance, but I encourage you to do this even more, especially since she is carrying around high damage injuries that will affect how she moves. Good job though, smart to not have her talk because of her broken maxilla and to have her knees still hurting.
.svg/2000px-Google_Chrome_icon_(2011).svg.png){kind=icon}
