Not for the first time, she realized that nothing she was saying was getting through to him. He would not see things from her perspective because he could not understand her perspective; and again she found herself floundering in sadness and doubt. Whatever they had had in the past, whatever love they had shared - how could it have been real if it was so easily broken? How could he have loved her, how could he have known she loved him, if he was so willing to believe her uncaring?

How could he not have known how she felt?

Tears welled in her eyes, burning against briefly closed lids. She didn't want him to see her pain anymore, didn't want to reveal the weakness that she felt inside. His words were a kick in the gut, and again she found herself longing for anything to make this go away. Just make it stop, she almost begged, almost allowed the sobs to choke forth, almost rushed to him to beg for his affection or his hatred or anything - but she didn't. She stood in momentarily silence, feeling more alone than ever, letting his words wash over her. Through the lightning and the thunder, she stood, waiting for him to finish, suddenly out of words and not sure what else there was to say.

It was over. She could almost see that now. Again the flame of hope that drove her dwindled, dangerously close to dying. She knew that if things ended now, there would be no going back. They would have nothing to cling to in each other anymore.

So, too, was their fight dying. For a moment, Sohalia was silent beneath his angry gaze, willing herself to say anything to fill the void that stretched between them. She understood now why he was so angry with her. She had thought that he was happier without her, but she had never given him a choice. "The first time I left..." she began, her voice soft, so soft that Gaucho might have to lean in to hear her speak. "I was taken. Captured. There was a stallion who wanted to drag me back to my homeland, force me to be his queen. I fought him and got away, but I was badly injured. When I finally made it to Helovia, Rasta found me. The Hidden Falls were the closest land and I needed a healer, so she convinced me to go there first. As soon as I was strong enough, I came back to you.

"The second time was shortly after I tried to become a warrior." Her voice took on a rueful tone, though she was otherwise emotionless. She had been an abysmal failure are fighting, and they both knew it. "I went on a patrol around the edge of the Throat and the next thing I knew..." A frown twisted across her face as though she had encountered a puzzle that she couldn't quite solve. "I was in the Riptide Isles. I didn't think any time had passed until I saw Ivezho and he told me I'd been gone for months. I wandered the Wilds. I had no intention of going to the Falls, not until I knew I was pregnant. I was... vulnerable. I already told you why I didn't come back after I realized how long it had been.

That's what I mean when I say I didn't leave on purpose. It wasn't my choice." The mare paused, sighing, all the fight drained out of her. What else could she say? "You're right. I should have come to you. I should have asked you. I was afraid. I was... weak. And... and you're the one who suffered for it, you and the children. I'm sorry, Gaucho. I'm sorry."

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