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10-30-2016, 10:19 AM
EREBOS If neither had been so furtive, so conniving, or so caught up in their own wiles and motivations, they might have realized how vastly similar they truly were. The parallels were beyond lineage and footprints of their forefathers, were more than just shadowed bits of legacies, what they’d become and where they’d go. Both had an intricate core, a system of values and aspirations, leading them down uniformed paths – but what they’d do with it, what they’d achieve, and how far they’d go to grasp power, valor, and might was where their trails likely changed course. Erebos didn’t know how deep Sjal’s passions drove. He didn’t know the lengths she’d wander to become more than her mother. The boy could only comprehend the pieces holding him together – the cunning, the machinations, and the summits he strived to climb. His aspirations had never been about ruling, standing over subjects, commanding and demanding brutal forces to carve annihilation across vast empires. He didn’t encourage anyone to follow his endeavors. His wants, needs, and desires had always been pinned on his strength, on his tenacity, on his determination and fortitude – how strong could he become, how much more could he endure, how much farther could he roam? Every skirmish, every practice, was a stepping-stone. What was it for her? Perhaps it was a chance to become one with the legends of their past – for she was like a snake, twisting away from his snapping jaws, avoiding the gnashing of his teeth. He laughed throughout, winked, smiled, and grinned at her abilities, at the shrewd, astute pieces of her soul emerging from within. But she couldn’t avoid Orsino and his kitsune convictions, his cruel, mercenary fangs, and Erebos felt himself wincing at her shriek of pain and contempt. The sable fox, unholy vermin that he was, growled in heathen satisfaction. That’s how it’s done!, he chuckled through their connection, and the prince shook his head, irritated and irked for some inexplicable reason (maybe because he’d asked the monster for assistance, and actually received it in spades, apathy, and enmity). Still, a little spark of him was pleased, content, satisfied for the moment that they’d pushed her closer towards the springs, where the water wafted with a pleasant curl, extending an invitation – Griffin! came Orsino’s shrill vocals across their bond (the cretin’s eyes made for sharper clarity in the darkness), and Erebos barely had an instant to catch his breath, to race forward (and still not fast enough, not swift enough – his limbs protested each movement with a painful rasp and a feral growl tore through his throat). He managed to dodge the silent, outstretched talons, felt the smallest brush of a wing alongside his withers, and lifted his head just in time to see Sjal had maneuvered closer. His shoulders were in absolute agony as he tried to ripple, swerve, and change course to the left, attempting to avoid the infernal wake of her jaws. Maybe by divine luck, intervention, or providence, the click of her teeth never closed over his skin, never relished or tasted his flesh. The warrior’s eyed widened slightly in shock and surprise, momentarily bewildered by the notion that he’d managed to avoid both of her assaults. But he couldn’t let the occasion pass without some counter-measure, and his stare, cunning as ever, took in their whereabouts (still near the water, he presumed through the shadows and gloom). Erebos grasped one sharp inhale, a breath of determination, of resolution, before launching towards her again, intending to use whatever strength he had left to push against her right side, to ram, slam, his frame into hers. The youth’s body shuddered, seared, seethed in response, in pain, in anguish, but he continued on – striving, hoping, trying to shove her enough so she’d be pressed against the springs (or even better, fall into its contents), and have nowhere to run. Perhaps they’d be too similar again, and neither would go anywhere. Perhaps they’d be struck even, builds too alike, structures too comparable. Perhaps his strength would wane, perhaps her endurance would hold, and perhaps all he’d be able to do at the end was smile, laugh, and promise her another lesson in the future. [3/3. 701 words. * Orsino spots the griffin and Erebos moves forward to avoid Ansgar’s talons. * As Sjal bites towards his right shoulder, Erebos maneuvers to the left and dodges her attack. * Erebos attempts to come along her right side and ram her towards the hot springs – hoping to push her into them. Final Injuries: * Grazed left shoulder * Severely bruised right shoulder – greatly impeded his speed and mobility.] |
Teaching Notes:
I really, really, really enjoyed your last post. :D
What Went Well:
* Emotions: Oh, the emotions! They were everywhere and I loved reading them. You continued to explain her motivations, what drove her on, and how she was in comparison to Psyche. You really conveyed what was going on in this girl’s mind, and I LOVED it. I’ve found sparring these two really interesting because they both have similar concepts and ideals, but were born from two very different beings, and it’s sort of reflected in their ambitions. While Sjal doesn’t want to take after her mother, there are still bits and pieces of her that come out (I see your companion and I raise you draining-clutch! ;D).
Some portions I loved were: They had each sworn something to the other, of course, but it was more than that: their silent vows and secret oaths were with the land itself, the icy tundra that encased them and protected them from everything that lingered outside. Their promises were to their ancestors, to ancient kings and queens who had ruled everywhere but here. I will be more than this, they screamed, desperately grasping, clawing their way into history in an effort to earn their place alongside her mother and his father, never even really knowing exactly what that meant. Because, mmph, accuracy for the win!
And this: Själ would never be a dark empress, would never be an ice queen in the way that her mother before her had been. She was too warm, too open, too trusting in a way that Psyche had never been. And she would never know that, because she had never known the cunning wiles of the Basin's Lady, had never witnessed the sly machinations of a despot on an war path, had never been granted access to the tyrant's innermost desires. (Kill them all, the filthy creatures, unclean with their barren brows and strange appendages -) Here is where we see a lot of Sjal, because she isn’t her mother, because she never knew what her mother was doing, planning, or plotting, and so she doesn’t have that measure of cruelty on the surface. I’m intrigued to where you plan on taking her, and if she’ll ever be pushed to that level of brutality.
Directions: I thought you handled these pretty well, and I could figure out where Sjal and Ansgar were in space.
Attacks: They made sense to me! I even enjoyed the bit with Ansgar, because it emphasized and highlighted Sjal’s train of thought. The griffin, who had felt the battle begin, arrived on silent wings above. She circled to get her bearings, trying to use the scant light from the aurora and the stars to pinpoint her target. Once settled on a route of attack, the creature dropped into a dive, attempting to remain as stealthy as possible, trying to latch her darkness-covered, strength-draining talons into the stallion's shoulders. Själ, moving as quickly as her injured leg would allow (and hoping that Erebos's injuries would leave them on equal footing in regards to speed), attempted to distract her opponent by turning the ninety degrees towards his dark shape and lunging towards the front of his right shoulder, teeth bared. If he didn't move, she would try to bite his shoulder in approximately the same place she had kicked earlier as Ansgar attempted to sneak in an attack from above. Of course Sjal would want to use her companion in retaliation, and had the dice rolls been kinder, I think it would’ve been awesome to have had Erebos drained of some of his power. The timing was good, and I wasn’t confused at any point.
To Work On:
Grammar: This was a very well written post, and I could tell that you took your time in adding some significant details and characterization. However, there were a couple errors that needed to be fixed. It’s very nit-picky, but everything counts!
A shriek of pain and rage split the night air - she hadn't expected companion to join the fight, or she would have called Ansgar back sooner- I think you meant a companion but it was left out by mistake.
It took her a moment, her breath clouding the air in sharp, misty puffs, to local the stallion, who was coming towards her again, this time from her left. Instead of local, I think you wanted locate.
Make sure to proofread! Simple spelling checks won’t catch everything. Your eyes won’t either, but reading it aloud to yourself helps catch some awkward wording. You can always come back to it at a different time too, when your mind is a bit fresher and you notice some minor things.
To Think About:
You’re now coming up on your defense post. Here are some things to take into account:
* The critical miss: Ugh, lord, don’t these suck. You can come up with some little things that gave her some pain: tripping, stumbling, etc. Make sure you don’t have her fall down, faint, or any of that, since we received a notice about battles from the admin (if your character runs away, faints or falls asleep in any post prior to and including the closing defense, a penalty will be deducted from your final score.).
* Defenses: What would make sense? Does she go into the water to get away from him? Does she run forward to stay out of the hot springs? A lot of this will depend on the dice roll, but hopefully nothing too damaging will occur.
* Pain: Include how she feels at the end of the battle and what her injuries consist of. Is she battered and bruised, tired and fatigued?
* Emotions: How does she feel upon completing the battle? Does she hate Erebos’ guts? :D Have her motivations changed? Does she feel inspired, successful, etc.?
I loved sparring with you! Thank you for the great opportunity! It was fun!
@Själ
