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08-05-2016, 01:30 AM
"I know he loved you."
"Midas loved Ktulu."
"There was never a day he did not talk about you."
Then why didn't I feel it? Why did I have to stand there and wonder if he loved me and ask Cera if he did? A child shouldn't have to wonder if their parent loved them and yet there I was and it was maddening.
"I never felt it." I murmured in response. I couldn't remember what my father's hug felt like or even he had ever hugged me. I couldn't remember hearing him say 'I love you' to me the way Cera had. Even Momma had said it when she thought I was sleeping.
There was a lot that I didn't understand, though. Like why, if he loved Momma as much as he said, wouldn't he live with us. Why, if he loved me like Cera claimed he did, did he choose the Throat over us? Why, when the sickness ended did he finally go to the Foothills-turned-Falls when we had already left?
I knew that love was a complicated thing. It was something beautiful and it didn't make sense, but it didn't have to. That's what I had told Roskuld one time, deep in the forest. I think it was right after Hototo had died. I just couldn't understand the concept of running away from it. Wasn't love something that was meant to be embraced? Didn't everyone seek love and acceptance from others?
"I feel ... I feel so angry with him sometimes." I said and I shook my head. "I shouldn't, but I do. I mean..." I sighed and frowned. "I hardly had father growing up and when he did visit it was only for a few hours. I never got to know him. I taught myself how to fly so I could go visit him." And even then, on the red sands of the Throat, I remembered Gaucho more than I remembered my own father. "And then when I was finally able to move to the Throat he wasn't there. He was in the Falls, after all the times that Momma asked him to live with us. What made him finally decide? And why when we weren't there? I just ... I don't get it." And I probably never would because Midas wasn't around anymore to explain the why.
"... do you feel that way about Momma? Like she doesn't love you?" I found myself asking. I knew that Cera had grown up without a mother and I knew that if Midas had come to the Foothills he, likely, would have taken Cera with him and Cera would have had a Momma. But I knew how distant Momma could be and ... and ...
I sighed and shook my head again.
"I think the best part about having Midas as a father is having you as my brother." I admitted.
"."
"Midas loved Ktulu."
"There was never a day he did not talk about you."
Then why didn't I feel it? Why did I have to stand there and wonder if he loved me and ask Cera if he did? A child shouldn't have to wonder if their parent loved them and yet there I was and it was maddening.
"I never felt it." I murmured in response. I couldn't remember what my father's hug felt like or even he had ever hugged me. I couldn't remember hearing him say 'I love you' to me the way Cera had. Even Momma had said it when she thought I was sleeping.
There was a lot that I didn't understand, though. Like why, if he loved Momma as much as he said, wouldn't he live with us. Why, if he loved me like Cera claimed he did, did he choose the Throat over us? Why, when the sickness ended did he finally go to the Foothills-turned-Falls when we had already left?
I knew that love was a complicated thing. It was something beautiful and it didn't make sense, but it didn't have to. That's what I had told Roskuld one time, deep in the forest. I think it was right after Hototo had died. I just couldn't understand the concept of running away from it. Wasn't love something that was meant to be embraced? Didn't everyone seek love and acceptance from others?
"I feel ... I feel so angry with him sometimes." I said and I shook my head. "I shouldn't, but I do. I mean..." I sighed and frowned. "I hardly had father growing up and when he did visit it was only for a few hours. I never got to know him. I taught myself how to fly so I could go visit him." And even then, on the red sands of the Throat, I remembered Gaucho more than I remembered my own father. "And then when I was finally able to move to the Throat he wasn't there. He was in the Falls, after all the times that Momma asked him to live with us. What made him finally decide? And why when we weren't there? I just ... I don't get it." And I probably never would because Midas wasn't around anymore to explain the why.
"... do you feel that way about Momma? Like she doesn't love you?" I found myself asking. I knew that Cera had grown up without a mother and I knew that if Midas had come to the Foothills he, likely, would have taken Cera with him and Cera would have had a Momma. But I knew how distant Momma could be and ... and ...
I sighed and shook my head again.
"I think the best part about having Midas as a father is having you as my brother." I admitted.
"."
Mother, make me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me
Make me a big tall tree
So I can shed my leaves and let it blow through me
aud pixel!
