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10-20-2016, 01:10 PM
Again, she miscalculated. The reaction was less overt than she had anticipated, lacking the bitter venom she had come to expect from this gold-laced marauder. His voice sounded flat and unfriendly even as he rejected her challenge, but though there was no laughter or mockery Erthë wished he could have met her with something other than reason. That cold, brutal logic resounded within her, rang with a degree of truth that left her emotional outburst seem even more ridiculous than it felt. Yet for all that she wished to simply turn off all emotion and devote herself to that impersonal, rational way of thinking, her heart simply wouldn't let her.
"Death is far easier to accept than the grief that follows after it" she responded, tear-streaked cheeks glistening in the light as she looked away.
"Or the guilt over my own part in bringing it about. Maybe it is natural for a parent to die so that the offspring will survive - knowing she would have passed away eventually won't undo the sin of robbing her of those minutes, days or years. Nor will it fill the empty void inside me, Rikyn."
Pressing her lips together the young filly stared unseeing towards the horizon, unable to stop the steady flow of moisture from her eyes. There was little point in trying to describe the ceaseless ache in her chest that made it so hard to breathe, or indeed to try and convey the intensity with which she detested her own fortune. To be standing there, to be talking, walking, breathing when Shadow was not - how was that natural? How was she ever going to accept that her life had been deemed more important than her mothers, when her foolish actions had brought about such horrific results?
Perhaps she never would get over this loss. Nothing in this world could ever replace a mother, and even if the pain dulled and the wounds on her heart ceased to bleed, the loss of that most important person would forever linger with her as a scar that never fully healed.
Could Rikyn understand this? Was he capable of accepting such a weakness, and strong enough to carry on beneath that sort of burden? Erthë had never thought of herself as strong, but compared to someone who wouldn't even acknowledge their pain she was a valkyrie, battle-scarred and brave.
"Well. Now you know what's wrong. Was there anything else you were wondering about? If not then I really should go... There's probably nothing there to find, but I have to at least try..."
Tired of weeping, Erthë focused her will and froze the salty water on her face with a thought. Like glittering beads or translucent pearls the tears clung to her lashes, until she with an impatient scowl rubbed them off against a knee.
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking
@Rikyn
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