the Rift


closer to the prize at the end of the rope

Erebos Posts: 474
Aurora Basin General atk: 7.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 6.5
Stallion :: Unicorn :: 16.1hh :: Four HP: 75.5 | Buff: DANCE
Orsino :: Plain Kitsune :: Dark Illusions & Enyo :: Common Griffon :: Draining Clutch Heather
#3
EREBOS
The prince was used to the unknown. He savored it, he relished it, and he stalked it with an impatient air – always intending to savor it before he swallowed and consumed the next tender enigma. He thrived on danger and mysteries, when the knives plunged and rattled, when shields were thrown and primordial assaults became the most menacing of blows. The little beast had survived on pieces of treachery and deceit, on analyzing and pretenses, and believed this moment, this excursion, would just be one more blink into the other unfamiliar threads of Helovia.
 
He didn’t have long to wait. The bloody shadows offered him a gift with a response – an unrelenting, vicious wave of a battle cry – and he had to wonder if he’d made a mistake, if he’d summoned one more monster from the hellish region and it’d be too much this time (again, his mind warped and whispered). Perhaps it was a God who would not fall. Perhaps it was a cretin far too large, far too powerful, far too much more than himself, and he’d be forced to realize his weaknesses, his frailties, once more.
 
But it didn’t mean he wouldn’t try.
 
He shuddered and shivered in the autumn air, part apprehension, part ferocity. The notions and sentiments mingled through his veins until they were a scorching contortion of flesh and heartlessness, determined not to care about who or what answered his call. They were both here for a purpose: to grow stronger, mightier, better than anyone else. He’d share his munitions just as they proffered theirs.
 
The warrior’s eyes narrowed, speculating, trying to examine what was coming for him through the murky darkness. The scenery and surroundings made it too difficult to tell, but he presumed, rather dimly, that it would be a feral thing riding across the fields and pools, barbaric and bestial, ready to cut him open and flay his insides. He hadn’t expected it to arrive on the wind or through the skies.
 
Thankfully, Orsino, curled amidst fronds and ferns, had spotted the plummeting creature before it torpedoed into Erebos. Pegasus! Pegasus! Move, fool! he uttered and hissed through their bond, trying to cause the youth to act, to maneuver away from the incoming assailment.
 
The soldier had fought them before – down in the labyrinth’s regions, where they’d been lost and soulless, asking for fights in a continuing, ridiculous pattern of might and brutality. Erebos had always admired the species for their ability to fly into the heavens, to escape the earth, to wander and wander from cliff to cliff, from sea to sea. One, a mare, had been too kind, too compassionate, but brave. He expected no less from this infidel, even if he intended to unleash savagery and strikes upon their entity.
 
But their assaults came first.
 
He lifted his eyes to the false stars and fabricated evening, and attempted to grind into the earth, fast, swift, and agile, to avoid the keen force careening his way. The scion twisted to the right, scraping against loam and soil, but it wasn’t enough. Moments later, the beast hurtled into the left side of his crest, and in between the flashes of pain and the mutinous, unrelenting aches driving into his bones, all he saw were wings and feathers.
 
The boy nearly groaned aloud, and struggled to hold in the reeling torment, grasping, gasping for air and sanctity. But there was no sanctuary, no balms, no remedies to be found for a poorly timed defense, and so carefully, hastily, he tried to overcome the gnawing, biting misery toiling along his neck. He twisted back to the left (and it felt like forever), and as the remaining portion of her wingspan appeared to glide over, he drew his skull upwards, attempting to rip apart plumes or flesh from the flier’s right side. No advantages, his skull boomed with sinister, seditious thoughts.
 
Orsino didn’t say anything at all. 

[1/3. 654 words.
* As Ru comes careening towards him, Orsino gives Erebos a warning. He tries to swerve around to the right, but she still manages to knock a massive bruise into his the left side of his crest.
* Despite his pain, Erebos tries to twist back to the left, drawing his skull upwards in hopes of catching some of her wings or flesh with his horn as the right side of her glides over.]

Image Credit



Teaching Notes:
 
What Went Well:
 
* Emotions: First of all, your writing is lovely. It has enough poise, prose, and details to cover what Ru is feeling prior to the fight, including her motivations. I really liked this part: Fire lit her insides, embers cracked at her heels. The pools of her eyes hardened, attempting to restrict the pieces of her that wanted to give up – just once, just this time, and crumple up – let go. Without any true coarse to her abrupt departure from the earth, she huffed vehemently through those nostrils. Never. She swallowed the fire inside of her, brewing, its metaphorical pain made her body shudder against the restless, cool wind. because we know she’s a girl who isn’t going to give up. She’s going to try her hardest to overcome whatever is pulling her down, and that’s always an admirable trait. Keep utilizing these thoughts and feelings throughout the spar!
 
* Surroundings: I thought you did well with bringing the difficult portions of the scenery into your post. It’s hard to see, and its difficult to discern/make out her opponent. This portion: The trees below absorbed whatever light dined to reach their surfaces, swallowed whole into the blackness down below. She snorted incredulously, casting out her breath in disbelief. Would it be wise to submit to the forest again? To the darkness, and the oppressive cage awaiting down below? Ru recalls her last spar, among similar conditions, and the thought sends her skin recoiling with contempt. was a clever way to impart her notions on the matter, and what she’s seen in the past.
 
To Work On:
 
* Attacks/Directions: The attack itself was good. I liked the torpedo assault, with her trying to dive-bomb him, but I never got a clear direction. I’m a huge proponent on giving directions in spars, because then the other writer has the chance to envision where your character is in space, and respond accordingly. Its not powerplaying or godmoding, especially since you will always include attempting or trying to ensure the other roleplayer has an option, but its giving a much clearer picture of the action going on around you.
 
For instance, in this sentence: Ru’s eyes just make out the nasty thing poking out his head, just as she aims to crash into his side. you could have easily included either right or left, and I would’ve known exactly where you intended to put her. It could’ve become: Ru’s eyes just make out the nasty thing poking out his head, just as she aims to crash into his right/left side.
 
Because you didn’t include a direction, it meant I had to decide for both of us. I also didn’t know where she was after launching into Erebos, so I had to opt for trying to attack her while she was still in flight (rendering my timing kinda funky :P).
 
To Think About:
 
* Build: Now that they’re closer together, and likely able to discern one another better despite the darkness, you can focus on the characteristics of your opponent. Take a look at their corresponding stats and line up who is faster, who can endure more, who appears to be more powerful. This can help when you’re deciding on attacks, defenses, and responding to pain/attacks made by Erebos.
 
* Pain/Damage: Damage is always an interesting challenge, depending on the outcome of the roll. If you do end up receiving any, you do not have to take damage simply from your opponent’s attack. You can be creative. Ru could stumble on landing. She could trip over a rock. She could scrape herself on a tree, etc.
 
Overall, I thought this was a fabulous way to start the spar! Keep up the good work and I’m still sorry I take fifty years.

@Ru


Messages In This Thread
RE: closer to the prize at the end of the rope - by Erebos - 10-10-2016, 12:36 PM

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