AMPERE
Realism [4]

LOVED how you wrote Ampere taking Meg's damage roll of 1 in your 3/4 post - having Ampere flair her wings instinctively seemed a great way of realistically taking that damage. 

This read as fairly declarative to me: Though Ampere had dodged Megaera's rush, it was just barely, and that would have left the two of them pretty close together still. Although it makes sense that Meg would have been close, she ended her post with the attack. It's possible that in her ext post (for example) she immediately uses teleportation magic and disappears entirely - meaning that she isn't still pretty close. 

Overall, very realistic. You used the similarities between Meg and Ampere to her advantage (and as a way to explain some of Meg's attacks) several times, and were both realistically aided, and hurt by the desert terrain.

Emotion [2]

Sometimes holding onto something was worth ruining it a little bit.

Ampere was furious, but she was also in mourning, and not just for the Sultan they're already buried, but for the Sultana trying to bury herself. 



Prose [3.5]

Electrical impulses from the brain tell it to lift and bend and fall, and Ampere could strum those energized strings better than an air guitar


Of course, Megaera didn't have to rely on just her feet, but neither did Ampere, and sure as a horse shits, she'd block the airways too - the evidence was in the taut way her skin pulled over her bunched muscles, in the way her mouth was such a tight line the edges wrinkled and the lips pulled up over her teeth in a snarl. From LOL to "oh damn" in one sentence. 


p1: both fought like wild animals back into a corner (backed)
p1: Teeth flashed as Ampere aimed to bit at Megaera's neck, (bite)
p2: Amperes face (Ampere's)
d:  that came mewling our of Ampere's craw. (out)
d: slanting off a bony portion off your body, (of)


Minor spelling errors. But Ampere is always a joy to read, and your writing is always easy to understand. 



Readability [+3]

*You missed the 1/4 on your first post, so I almost skipped it until I saw the roll. Don't forget!

* I know I mentioned this to you, but your word counter was hella off. 

Good readability.




Finally tally: 46.5 + (12.5*2) = 71.5




MEGAERA
Realism [2]

Ampere's attack 2/4, only rolled a 2. That you allowed Ampere's magic to be successful and turn Meg around, and that Ampere's dagger cut Meg from her nose to top of her skull, seemed a little much. 

Similarly for Ampere's 3/4 attack, I know she rolled a 6 and all she did was bite, but you interpreted that as Ampere knocking into Meg, and tearing flesh. That seems a little extreme. Again, I know a roll of 6 with a relatively 'minor' attack like a bite is hard to interpret, but remember you can have Meg take the damage other ways! If she'd gotten the bite and then tripped in the sands and twisted an ankle or something similar. 

This, for me, counts as powerplay: 

Her hooves dug into the dirt, holding ground, advancing and she threw herself back at the other mare’s body. Megaera’s own teeth snapped for the top ridge of Ampere’s neck to hold there and force the other mare to the ground.

The first sentence is a relatively minor instance - it would have been better to say that she threw herself in the direction of where Ampere had been, or that she tried to throw herself against Ampere's body. The second sentence though is very declarative. I would rather see sentences written with too many trieds (as in, "Meg tried to reach for the rop ridge of Ampere's neck, meaning to hold on there and try to force her to the ground") and have it read slightly awkward, than have it be a powerplay. 

I also found this attack very awkward:  She squared her hindquarters toward Ampere and with a heave, assisted by a swift downsweep of her wings, launched herself into the air and aimed a double-barreled kick.

Horses can't fly backwards, and they can't just fly straight up into the air from a standstill. So if she had her butt aimed towards Ampere, by achieving any sort of lift, she'd have to move forward a significant distance, meaning her buck would have no chance of being anywhere close. 

You did a good job of using the desert to both help and hurt Meg. 

I was also surprised when Gwaihir intervened, since he was happy with Ampere's attack? 



Emotion [2]

Angry breaths hissed through her teeth as she watched the spear clatter to the dusty ground: sent, spent, and useless. She hadn’t wanted to hurt Ampere, not really, but the horrible symbolism of the impotent attack fanned the sparks that Ampere had been trying to kindle in her. 

Megaera stared into Ampere’s eyes and saw her own reflection.

Great emotion from Meg!



Prose [1.5]

She didn’t want to attack or defend she just wanted to leave. Q__Q

He felt everything that she did, but in a filtered way that left his mind clear to see the truth where Meg had blinded herself to it. 

The weeks of searching for her daughter, the sleepless nights since returning to the Dragon's Throat, the strain of emotional turmoil all compounded into an exhaustion that reached down to her bones. Her soul may have been dragged back from the brink by Ampere but her body wanted to go down for the count. 

p1: Her ears pulled back against her head as her dark eyed stared just past (eyes)
p1: inch was disspassionate, (dispassionate) 
p1:   Was she was just too tired (repeated word)
p1: No, and obstacle, only and obstacle… (should be 'an'?)
p1: even now forcing her bodily back into the sands (body)
p1: Avery inch her sister  (every)
p1: agin in order to escape (again)
p1:  She kept her turn sharp, trying to maintain a close proximity for Ampere for seconds more for running would not be enough (super awkward, don't even know how to fix it?)
p2: It was a desperate scrabble to pick up speed (scramble) 
p2: The violent scream was rent from her throat (?)
p2: Her life had crumbled around her around her proud ears (awkward)
p3: flashed upwards to meet the the piercing blue ones (repetition) 
p3: Tears swam across her vision: hot, any, and useless. (many?)
p3: She should have recognized the was the other mare moved (???)
p3: When had Megaera every given up because someone (ever)
p4: He'd felt the echos of every strike, (echoes) 
p4: but had Let Ampere do her work. (let)
p4: of his wings her was soaring .. (he) 
p4: grasp the hair between her easy and pull her eyes (eyes?)
p4: Keep going. Keep. Going. with and effort she whirled herself around as the eagle tried to distract. (awkward)

Spell check! Lots of these posts felt rushed as I was reading them - both because of some of the obvious spelling errors, but because of sentence structure as well.



Readability [1]

Lots of these posts were difficult to read for me. There were lots of instances where I felt as though you dropped a comma or two, which made parsing together what was happening very difficult, because I couldn't follow who/what was being referred to. As mentioned above, I think lots of these posts were written in a bit of a rush, and your sentence structure definitely suffered for it.



Finally tally: 37.5 + (6.5*2) = 50.5 HP