V O L T E R R A HE SAYS "OH BABY GIRL, DON'T GET CUT ON MY EDGES I'M THE KING OF EVERYTHING AND MY TONGUE IS A WEAPON" He knows the attack is too hard the second he moves his foot, but this time it is too late to do anything about it. She half-rears to avoid his teeth, but there's nothing she can do to save herself from the colossal feathered hoof flying towards her. His foot clatters into her, and his face twists into a horrified grimace. "Shit, Erthë!" Her legs...The scream of pain that she unleashes is like a frozen dagger to his heart, and and it tugs at the tidal wave of guilt that threatens to overwhelm him. What have I done? He's a fucking scumbag. He's attacked a girl - because his morals are now forcing him to see her as the girl she was, not the woman she is like he was doing before - and a cripple girl at that. He went in too hard, like he was fighting a fully experienced warrior and not a battlefield virgin (he's defiled that pure flesh, scorching the petite snow queen with his dirty fire). "I'm so sorry, I...." But he's underestimated her. The leviathan should have known that she isn't the sort to give up; God knows, she's suffered enough hardship in her life to forge molten steel across those cold white limbs. She's not a pushover, and a swell of pride rises in his chest to know that her mind fights against the limitations of her body. As the wing soars towards him, it occurs to the behemoth that he should take the damage, just to make the girl feel like she has succeeded. It would be the chivalrous thing to do....but alas, the stallion's instincts override his attempts to be a gentleman. He automatically flings his body backwards to protect his face, and the descending wing misses him by a hair's breadth. Then, suddenly, the temperature drops. Volterra has backed up enough that the girl's magic doesn't freeze the water of his eyeballs or cause him any damage, but it does create a frigid chill that seems to soak down to his very bones. His flesh quivers as ice particles form where sweat was moments before, and his breath rises as hot steam in front of him. This explosion of magic makes him realise something. The girl may be smaller and weaker, but inside she's strong. She fought back even through her pain, and in a moment of clarity the behemoth knows that she can do this. He can show her how. Together, they can lift her to greatness, and this startling realisation makes his brow furrow in determination and his teeth clench with benediction. "Come on, Erthë!" he bellows. She can do it, but she just needs a little coaxing. She needs to believe in herself as he suddenly believes in her. "We're almost there. You're stronger than you know, girl - now show it!" He lunges forward again, stiff and tired from his exertions but determined all the same. If he has encouraged her to see this through, then the least he can do is the same. He seeks to bulldoze towards her with his chest, attempting to crunch it into her own; not with a great deal of force (he's not making that mistake again) but hopefully enough to make her retaliate based on her raw instincts. He keeps his hooves firmly planted - he will not kick out again, his guilt won't allow it - but he seeks to plant a bite upon her left shoulder where it joins her neck. Perhaps he should have taken her exclamation of pain as an indication that the battle is over. Perhaps he should leave her to nurse her wounds and her pride, and let her try again another day. Perhaps he should leave someone else to convince her that she can be great, because it sure as hell shouldn't be him. But he won't. He believes in her; it defies logic or reason, but he truly believes that this girl has something special about her. She just needs to channel it - and to do that, it needs to be drawn from her. The leviathan aches from his exertions, sweating profusely now that his icy sheen is beginning to melt, but he knows he must continue. For her. His friend. _________________ 3/3 - 712 words Thanks for the fight Chan :)

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Spelling/grammar/prose - Again this section is defunct aha. I spotted one typo ('falling down toward the ground again on the stallions left side' missing comma in stallion's) but overall it was pretty much perfect. You've done a fantastic job of writing in this fight, and each of your posts has flowed really well. Great job :)

Emotion - Same as above. I've found Erthe to be flawless in this fight - you've kept her personality consistent and you've definitely tugged at my heartstrings, let alone poor Vol's. I especially loved your last sentence: 'Go back to your knitting girl, and your books, because cowards don't belong out here.'

Attacks - The wing attack was well written, as was the ice attack. They were both specific and well described, which was great! The only thing you didn't do in this fight is a kick, and kicks are quite a big part of horse fighting. However, given her legs, you probably did the right thing.

Damage taken - You did well coping with the simultaneous attacks and you definitely emphasised how much he hurt her knee, however I couldn't see anywhere that you actually stated how much damage has been done to her. As I said in my damage notes in my first post, when you get a 6 dice roll and especially when you get one from a character with a damage stat as high as Volterra's, you probably need to be taking fractured/broken bone damage if you choose to take it from a single attack. You described how much pain she was in, but not what damage was actually done to her knee - is it severe bruising, a fracture etc?

Now, obviously a fractured/broken leg isn't something you want to suffer in a fight, so reacting to my two attacks plus that dice roll is actually quite a tricky situation. What I personally would have done is split the damage between Vol's two attacks, rather than taking the full brunt of the 14 points of damage from one source. So I would have allowed his teeth to bite down hard on her cheek, for example, causing a deep and very painful bruise. Then I'd have had his foot hit her leg, but maybe scrape down it and rip the skin off it rather than cracking any bones. As long as you emphasised the fact that both attacks were very painful and did a fair amount of damage, the judge shouldn't deduct. So you'd still have taken the high damage roll without fully crippling your character. In this case, it would probably have been better than taking the damage all from one attack, but risking a deduction for not fully explaining her injury.

This bit in the dice guide is quite a useful way to look at taking damage:

'The dice are rolled after each post and are only rolled once, even if there are multiple attacks. The beauty of the dice system is that you, as the player, get to decide how your character takes their damage. For instance, if your character takes 6 points of damage and your opponent has attacked twice, you can:

take 6 points of damage from attack 1 and dodge attack 2
take 3 points of damage from attack 1 and 3 points of damage from attack 2
take 1 point of damage from attack 1 and 5 points of damage from attack 2
take 6 points of damage from attack 2 and dodge attack 1
dodge both attacks and take damage that you inflict upon yourself
take 1 point of damage from attack 1, 1 point of damage from attack 2 and 4 points of damage that you inflict upon yourself
take 6 points of damage from any other combination of effects that you can imagine'

So if you'd wanted, you could even have taken a small amount of damage from Vol's attacks, but then had Erthe trip and pull a muscle or something to get it up to the 14 points :)

So yes, you did well mentioning the pain she's in, but try to specify what exactly is wrong with her as well (eg broken bone, severe bruising).

Other - I think you did a great job in this fight, and Erthe is a fascinating character to spar against. I'd have liked to see some more about her tiredness, given that it's her first fight, but overall I think you did a fab job, well done :D