It was so much worse than Mesec had ever imagined, seeing that recognition appear in his friend’s sunbeam eyes and knowing that he remembered everything. Mesec’s heart withered and died there on the beach as he saw the familiar, jovial smile vanish in a heartbeat to be replaced by things Zero should never have felt. He deserved so much more than what Mesec had given him. It had been too much to hope that the trauma had already been buried deep - that it wouldn’t affect the ray of light that was the young stallion Mesec had grown to admire and love. Watching that recognition - the fear, and the shaking, - grow and take over Zero’s body was more than Mesec could bear. Those stumbling steps backward were knives into his flesh but that was no more than he deserved.
His instinct was to move through the gap between them, to drape his wings around the smaller stallion and apologize until his breath left him. But he wouldn’t - or, perhaps, couldn’t. Not even death would absolve him of his sins. His hooves were rooted to the sand and it felt like nothing could move him.
Nothing except Zero.
It was you.
Why?
Mesec with the dying heart thought the worse pain he could feel was being aware of his claws tearing into Zero’s flesh but this moment was the worse. Before he could make excuses, say that it wasn’t truly him but there was no alter-ego to blame for his actions now. The warg was gone and it left behind a hollow man.
The first words out of him in response were quiet chokes as his silver eyes glossed over with tears. “I’m so sorry.” Mesec could apologize every day until the end of the world and it would never be enough to make up for what he had done.
For this, he would not be a coward. He would not look away from the damage he had wrought, from the distrust and pain that he had installed in his friend with each slice and bite and drop of blood.
With a steadying gulp, he tried to find the words - though his voice remained strained and quiet. “I didn’t mean to… I would never intentionally...” His words felt inadequate, nothing he could possibly say would mean anything in the wake of his actions and he knew that, but he couldn’t help but try to explain - to answer that one simple question Zero was asking of him. “I didn’t have control... not until the very end. I do now, my mother she helped me with that…” But those were things that did not need to be explained, they happened afterwards and were of no help to Zero. Still, Mesec wanted his friend to know there was no danger now.
He didn’t want to waste time, didn’t want to force Zero to stand in his presence for longer than necessary when it was clearly causing distress. Better for Mesec to give him what he wished and leave Zero in the care of those that loved him and did not hurt him. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I know that, and I won’t ask for it but I have something for you.” Lucius took the glittering key out from his bonded’s mane and held it out so that Zero could see it while Mesec’s eyes never left Zero’s face. “It will lock away your memories of that morning… of what I did. I never wanted to cause you pain Zero, please let me fix it. I don’t know if this is the right way to do that but it’s all I can do, it’s all I have.”
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