ISOPIA
Realism [+3.5]
I thought you did a very good job translating the dice rolls to damage, especially given that a lot of Tembovu’s rolls were low until later in the fight. I also thought it was creative how you gave Isopia damage to her feet from skidding on the rocks. Good job!
You incorporated the surroundings in this fight enough for me to understand what was happening. I would have liked to see Isopia’s tactical mind use the mists more, but I understand that there is a limited word count and focus in a challenge.

Emotion [+2]
For as emotionless as Isopia is by nature, you write her well interacting with that part of herself. You are talented in going beyond ”Isopia felt nothing.” by explaining why she is that way. I was thoroughly captivated by Isopia’s reaction to the untruth she heard, and equally as captivated in her wanting to still learn from Tembovu despite fighting him.

Prose [+3.5]
Your posts were well written and equally as well proof-read. I only found one grammatical error. Excellent job!
P1: "What use a czarina, or queen for that matter, if not to serve her subjects? – Missing “is”

Readability [+2]
Your posts were clear for the most part. I only had to re-read one sentence with a set of parenthesis.

Finally tally: 45+(11*2)= 67 HP


TEMBOVU
Realism [+3.5]
As a whole, you did a great job in realism! I thought you did well at taking dice rolls and applying them to damage. You were creative enough in it that even with Isopia’s very hard hits, Tembovu still received an appropriate amount of damage.
Good mentioning of Tembovu’s past experience with Elsa propelling him to try and damage Isopia’s wings. This is the kind of thing I would like to see more of in spars!

Emotion [+2]
I really enjoyed reading Tembovu’s paternal thoughts on Isopia transform as the battle went on. You also did well in incorporating Tembovu’s thoughts and feelings on his position in the herd. Good job!

Prose [+2]
While your writing is beautiful and enjoyable to read, your posts were littered with grammatical mistakes. I recommend you taking a little more time to proof-read each battle post before publishing it.

P1: “words the preach cold logic with their adherence to justice interspersed with allusions to emotion, anger, and blame” :: that instead of the

P1: “ knot that a ruler who immediately alienates their people is not a ruler that will last” :: know instead of knot

P2: “amplified greatly has his rippled muscle and clipped bone reshaped itself” – as instead of has

P2: “She may not wish to join or approve of this fight, but she still concerned about her Elephant” :: was still concerned…

P2: “compelled to charge forward by it magical make-up” :: its

P2: “for this magic his had no preference for morality, right, or wrong. “ :: of his…

P3: “he swung his haunches to his right in an effort to keep his injured left side away from any more of her magical (or physical onslaughts)” :: (or physical) onslaughts.

P3: “Mbwene whimpered softly at the pain the roiled through their bond” :: that

P4: “The blood flowed freely from his wounds (any clots were entirely ruptured by his shift) began to dry and grow sticky between the many wrinkles” :: Reads awkwardly, missing a word such as: The blood that flowed…”

Readability [+2]
Your posts were clear for the most part. Rarely did I have to re-read anything for clarification.

Finally tally: 30+(9.5*2)= 49 HP



Based on the verdict Tembovu's 0.5 VP becomes 1 EXP instead.