the Rift


the winds of winter [vol vs toulouse]

Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#7


V O L T E R R A
IF IT FEELS GOOD, TASTES GOOD, IT MUST BE MINE
HEROES ALWAYS GET REMEMBERED BUT YOU KNOW LEGENDS NEVER DIE

There's something innately satisfying about the collision of hooves against flesh. He knows his attack has struck its mark and struck hard when he hears the air-rending howl of his opponent, music to the greedy ears of the hot-tempered stallion. He returns his rear hooves to the ground, crunching them into snow and ice as he rearranges himself and ensures his balance is at an optimum for the remaining length of this battle.

The Gladiator begins to pivot, using the momentum from his attack to turn and see what damage he has wrought upon the gelding. Toulouse has sprawled to the ground, evidently in some pain, and whilst the ruthless part of Volterra urges him to march forwards and complete the job, he hesitates. Perhaps there is some honour in the black beast, some semblance of mercy beating in that great, powerful chest of his. Whatever the reason, the Indomitable stays his blade for now, staring down at the fallen palomino whilst seizing the opportunity to snatch some breaths of his own during this unexpected interlude. Despite his formidable stamina, the young warlord still tires towards the end of battles, especially when fighting on such difficult ground. The chance to regain some valuable energy is not to be sniffed at.

The gelding rises, staggers towards the monolithic equine in a manner that, had it happened a few minutes ago, would have had Volterra fooled. As it is, he adheres to the once bitten (literally), quite shy motto, and pins his ears suspiciously whilst eyeing his foe with an expression akin to one he would wear if he was being approached by a marauding snake. The brute may not be the sharpest thorn in the thicket but he learns from his mistakes, and he knows he cannot trust this creature as far as he can throw him.

His wariness proves quite correct as Toulouse suddenly breaks from his injured lurch and flails his hind hooves at the leviathan's skull. Volterra is prepared for such a move thanks to his lack of trust in the smaller male, and he launches his weight backwards with a savage snarl of displeasure. The hooves whistle by just in front of his face, leaving him undamaged but incredibly pissed off by his devious foe. His desire for revenge is instantaneous; it is no longer enough that he has already caused colossal damage to the unfortunate palomino, because he wants to complete the job. He wants to bring the gelding to his knees, send him crashing to the snow once again and ensure that this time, his submission will be absolute.

After giving Toulouse's hind legs time to stop their bucking, Volterra lunges forwards and rears up. He'd tried this move against Kiuaji with painful consequences, but it is a favoured attack for the feral stallion to use against foes that he wants not just to defeat, but to humiliate. To be mounted by another man must be demeaning beyond belief, dominated in the most primal way possible using a posture reserved for mares, but this is precisely what Volterra attempts to do to Toulouse; he aims to slam the meat of his chest down hard onto Toulouse's rear end, his forelegs seeking to hook around the gelding's hips and force him to the ground under his sheer colossal weight. The mammoth man's neck arches and he attempts to pepper the palomino's lower spine with painful bites, his own weight braced carefully across his thick, muscular hind legs.

There is nothing sexual about this posture, despite the deeply erotic connotations that it carries. No, this move is purely about domination, about teaching this vampiric little bastard his place - Volterra's injured neck drips slowly to the ice, reminding him exactly why he is so determined to ensure his victory is absolute.

___________________

Teaching spar for @Toulouse !

3/3 - 633 words

image credits


Teaching notes

Spelling/grammar/prose - Perfect, it all flowed great and I didn't see any typos, so great job :D

Emotion - Perfect, as above. I love his deviousness and Toulouse-ish-ness, and you write it really well. Definitely no issues here!

Attacks - I love bucking attacks, and you described this one well. However, my one main problem is what I said in my previous post, about needing to have your damage affect you. Toulouse has just been kicked full force in the chest hard enough to knock him over. His chest should be in absolute agony, bruised and almost impossible to move to the point where even walking is probably difficult. To then lean his full weight on his forelegs, even if only for a second, would be super difficult given his injuries and the unrealisticness of this would probably see you get a hefty points deduction D:

To add to this, he's bucking towards Vol's head, and given Vol is tall that's quite a high buck for him to manage at the best of times, let alone when his chest is so badly injured. The attack itself was fine, but be careful of things like this, especially when he's just taken two 6 damage rolls. You'd have been better off trying a bite or low foreleg kick rather than a buck that would realistically be impossible given his injuries.

Damage taken - You did really well taking the damage this time, which is fab :D The rolls in this fight have been really unlucky for you with Vol rolling two 6s and you getting a miss, but try not to get disheartened by it. It's rare that the rolls are so one-sided, and once Toulouse is buffed up a bit, they should improve. I always say not to get too disheartened if the dice are against you, because if you do the writing bit right, you can overcome a decent sized HP deficit!

BUT ANYWAY /tangent. You did well taking the full impact of the damage. Just one small thing: 'A large wound now lay in the centre of his chest, muscle-deep and rippling towards his neck'. Try and be more specific on the wound type - reading this makes me think it's a cut, which is unlikely given the blunt nature of hooves, so I'd say a bruise is more likely.

My one major gripe is Toulouse's attack, but see above for that. The damage taking itself though was good, a huge improvement :)

Other - You're doing well overall, it's just the fiddly stuff of attack and defence to work on. I'm glad my explanation helped, feel free to ask me anything else you want :D

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]





Messages In This Thread
RE: the winds of winter [vol vs toulouse] - by Volterra - 01-24-2017, 03:17 PM

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