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IF IT FEELS GOOD, TASTES GOOD, IT MUST BE MINE HEROES ALWAYS GET REMEMBERED BUT YOU KNOW LEGENDS NEVER DIE His opponent crumples beneath his weight, and a spasm of satisfaction burns its way through the leviathan's skull. To mount another man is a whole different level of domination; although there is no sexual undertone, he would be lying if there wasn't a slight twinge of something due to the primal thrill of utterly crushing another male. The gelding folds like a house of cards, and Volterra jerks himself backwards out of the way of the crumpling form of his foe. He meets the fallen one's gaze with his own victorious crimson one, holding it and reveling in it. It would have been easy - sensible, in fact - for the palomino to submit here and now, accept the defeat and walk away. It earns a measure of begrudging respect from Volterra when, instead, the gelding lashes out a hoof towards him. There's little chance of the Indomitable escaping it; the kick strikes him squarely in the chest, momentarily knocking the wind out of him and resulting in a muffled grunt that bursts from his jaws. A perfect hoof-shape bruise forms on the onyx flesh and the leviathan forces a smirk, glad that he has a memento of this fight in addition to the unnatural fang-scars on his neck. There is no need to attack again; the fight is won. Breathing heavily from the exertion but with eyes glowing with success, Volterra stands strong in front of his fallen foe. "You should seek a healer," he growls as the gelding staggers to his feet. The behemoth's posture holds the assured confidence of the victor, yet it makes it clear he is not going to attack again. There is no pride, no honour, to be gained in further attacking a clearly defeated opponent, so the Indomitable simply stands in the howling blizzard, a black totem of strength against the howling snowstorm. ___________________ Teaching spar for Toulouse ! Closing defence - 308 words |
Teaching notes
Spelling/grammar/prose - I didn't notice any errors and I love the way you write. You did well in this throughout the fight, so great job!
Emotion - Likewise, I love reading Toulouse especially towards the end of the fight when his pride took a hit. You wrote him really well and he was a pleasure to read!
Attacks - I liked your attack, it was feasible and realistic considering his position and since his hindlegs are uninjured. My only gripe is that given his position and Vol's height, it would be unlikely that he would be able to kick Vol in the face - his chest would have been a more realistic target.
Damage taken - You did a good job taking the damage, and you also did well to have him stand up before the end. Ending the fight lying down can earn a 10 point deduction so it's best to stand up even if it's painful for the character!
Other - Thanks for the great fight Neverr :D And I hope it helped! You did well overall, especially in the writing/emotion part, it's purely the nitty gritty of attack and defence, but even in that you improved as the fight went on so I think it's just a matter of practice :)
[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]
