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12-01-2016, 04:07 PM
Art by Neverr ♥
but somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
“Same.”
Not Alysanne—
But hadn't their chat on the edge of everything hinted as much? A mind wrapped up in her own peculiar blindfold... It had been in the little things, her self-doubt, calling herself a fool, the way she had reacted when he had flinched—mild as it had seemed at the time, had it been a symptom of this? Like something left to fester, to grow, until it blotted out the sun, to finally swallow it, and all became cold and dark, desolate. Bleak. Mauja's ears angled back again. He wasn't sure what to say. What to do anymore. Somehow, her admission was worse than his own; he could block out his own pain, but hers?
And come to think of it, what was she to him? When had she gone from barely-known Healer (and later on, Queen), to.. to someone he actually cared about? Was it because of Naerys? Or her defense of him when Raeden had swooped in on that conversation, so long ago..?
Was she a friend?
Even if she was, he didn't know what to say. Merely watched her in heavy silence, listening to the snowfall.
She motioned to him. He did nothing. He no longer wanted to run, and only because of that one word she had spoken. Instead, he wanted to fix her, but he had no idea how. “You can talk to me about it, if you want.” And for once, he actually considered the words, instead of just brushing past them in a manner that betrayed his uncertainty, should you but pay attention.
Did he want to talk about?
What was there to talk about, even? The cold seeping through his bones, the void expanding in his chest, the panic snapping at his mind, his hopelessness, fear for his owls, his ..apathy when faced with what should kill him, but no longer could?
But how do you take all of that, and put into words? How do you take all of that, and push it on someone else? The longer he remained in Helovia, the more it weighed on him, all the things he had lost, in a way he couldn't shake like he had done when he had left his life before.
His tail flicked behind him, but the movement was smaller and more sluggish than usual. The cold leeched away his energy, spreading from his hooves and up, back and down. He didn't even remember what it felt like to be truly warm.
And then—all of a sudden, he realized what he could—should—do. He could willfully misunderstand her words. He could turn it back on her, away from the roaring and howling in his mind, and the icy claws clutching at his heart. So, he abandoned his trees, still cloaked in silence, striding through the snow, but that edge was gone from his gait. No matter what he did, he just seemed.. off, somehow, but for a moment, he barely noticed it.
He stopped, too close to her for her to politely ignore, just a step or so away—and for once, he didn't feel afraid. There was no sick rush through his veins, no trembling. He just felt .. cold, as he leveled his gaze at her. "Yes." The word was quiet as it left his mouth, but not so quiet she could pretend to not have heard him. "I want to talk about you." His black-rimmed ears pricked forward, and he gave her a moment to let it sink in, before he went on, voice soft. "What's wrong, Alysanne?"
Not Alysanne—
But hadn't their chat on the edge of everything hinted as much? A mind wrapped up in her own peculiar blindfold... It had been in the little things, her self-doubt, calling herself a fool, the way she had reacted when he had flinched—mild as it had seemed at the time, had it been a symptom of this? Like something left to fester, to grow, until it blotted out the sun, to finally swallow it, and all became cold and dark, desolate. Bleak. Mauja's ears angled back again. He wasn't sure what to say. What to do anymore. Somehow, her admission was worse than his own; he could block out his own pain, but hers?
And come to think of it, what was she to him? When had she gone from barely-known Healer (and later on, Queen), to.. to someone he actually cared about? Was it because of Naerys? Or her defense of him when Raeden had swooped in on that conversation, so long ago..?
Was she a friend?
Even if she was, he didn't know what to say. Merely watched her in heavy silence, listening to the snowfall.
She motioned to him. He did nothing. He no longer wanted to run, and only because of that one word she had spoken. Instead, he wanted to fix her, but he had no idea how. “You can talk to me about it, if you want.” And for once, he actually considered the words, instead of just brushing past them in a manner that betrayed his uncertainty, should you but pay attention.
Did he want to talk about?
What was there to talk about, even? The cold seeping through his bones, the void expanding in his chest, the panic snapping at his mind, his hopelessness, fear for his owls, his ..apathy when faced with what should kill him, but no longer could?
But how do you take all of that, and put into words? How do you take all of that, and push it on someone else? The longer he remained in Helovia, the more it weighed on him, all the things he had lost, in a way he couldn't shake like he had done when he had left his life before.
His tail flicked behind him, but the movement was smaller and more sluggish than usual. The cold leeched away his energy, spreading from his hooves and up, back and down. He didn't even remember what it felt like to be truly warm.
And then—all of a sudden, he realized what he could—should—do. He could willfully misunderstand her words. He could turn it back on her, away from the roaring and howling in his mind, and the icy claws clutching at his heart. So, he abandoned his trees, still cloaked in silence, striding through the snow, but that edge was gone from his gait. No matter what he did, he just seemed.. off, somehow, but for a moment, he barely noticed it.
He stopped, too close to her for her to politely ignore, just a step or so away—and for once, he didn't feel afraid. There was no sick rush through his veins, no trembling. He just felt .. cold, as he leveled his gaze at her. "Yes." The word was quiet as it left his mouth, but not so quiet she could pretend to not have heard him. "I want to talk about you." His black-rimmed ears pricked forward, and he gave her a moment to let it sink in, before he went on, voice soft. "What's wrong, Alysanne?"
