the more people you love
the weaker you are

When her breaths slow and her frazzled mind retreats to the comforting sanctuary of her own awareness, Arah's soft apology filters through. Her entire body hurts and aches, and Romina is astounded by the power of mortal emotions and their impact on something she can't find correlation between. Why does crying make her head hurt? Is it the light, the stress on her eyes as they squeeze out these salted tears? Why does her heart ache? Why do mortal metaphors hold so true when the brain is the organ creating the chemicals? She's lost without any ground beneath her hooves and feels like her entire body is off balance, but she lifts her reddened eyes to Arah quietly and nods jerkily, trying to express her forgiveness when her tongue feels swollen in her mouth.

The little creature between her legs, however, is something she can focus on without words. A tremulous smile comes to her lips and she blows warm air through her soft nares down at the companion. It's a comforting distraction, as the others snipe and comment, their words dull and buzzing in her ears. Until Nero placed his gentle lips against her neck, the almost-yearling had nearly managed to block out the external stimulus that had been driving her into a frenzy. She turns and brushes her own against his broad cheek, taking comfort from something she has not experienced in a long time. Without Ru'in there is nobody there to hold and caress her, and she had grown up beside her twin as the most physically affection filly in the entire Basin. Without it, without him, she feels starved.

Myrrine offers to escort Nero, who doesn't seem to necessarily object to it, and so Romina smiles nervously at the beautiful maiden and nods a little. Nero offers to escort her home, to be her guardian and guide. But she doesn't want to go home. Home is where the empty caverns and cold winter winds haunt her days as forcibly as any night terror. "Home" is where she sees Ru'in in every large flickering shadow that makes her turn desperately only to find nothing but empty air. Home is where her mother's tears send her off to sleep, where Hotaru's tired eyes watch the horizon for lovers that won't come home. Where Romina stands vigil at her side, awaiting her brother with the same useless longing. Home is not home anymore, just a shadow of a family that hadn't even had the chance to start, a broken machine that limped more than it ran with any sort of fluidity. Home had been taken from her when Ru'in went away. Wherever he traveled, wherever he disappeared to, home lay in the patterns of his skin and the beating of his heart. And so Romina would have no home until he returned to her. Nero could not take her to a place like that. Sometimes she feared it no longer existed for someone like her.

Then another comes, with his low voice and pointed, snarling jabs. They aren't directed at her this time, but her head lowers in nervous submission regardless. Wishing the natural camouflage of her fawn coat could truly render her invisible, sometimes. They all extend their invitations, each with a different expression on their adult faces, and the girl fights to keep her head above water with all this attention on her. When her mask is in shatters, her confidence revealed to be nothing more than an illusion. They see her, all of them do, and it's the worst form of vulnerability she's ever experienced.

But first she turns to Nero, overwhelmed and finding him to be the only solid rock here in the group. "I don't want to go home," she whispers, and tentatively nudges her nose against his neck as if to encourage him to move away into the shadows, away from those who sling mud and harsh words. "Can I...come find you later? I want to be friends," she offers in undertone, nervousness on her young face. She doesn't have friends, and yet this gruff stallion is the first she's encountered who she wants to extend it to. Beauty had always been drawn to the Beast, after all. He reminded her of her brother, and she saw the same potential in him that she saw in Ru'in. "You can go explore from here, it's quiet and nice. I'll be okay," she smiles, but her eyes have no light in them, trying to convince herself as much as him. "I live out here anyway." There is no home for a cretin like you, Romina.

With one last brush against him, and a parting breath for Wynter, she backs away. But her eyes catch Arah's, something warm and maternal echoing from the pale mare and her lover, and maybe something speaks out from her own eyes. But she casts a glance over her shoulder and smiles at Nero, and then bounds away into the forest, wanting to escape them all. She could not run from her own realizations, but she could run from their company.

Romina