Myrrine

The waves lapped against her hooves as her tears fell into the salty brine. She was breathing heavily, staring hard at the water below her, letting the sobs roll through her dainty frame as her mind was spinning. All she had to do was walk in and never walk out, the waves would swallow her in their sweet embrace and let her be free of this all. It was all one step away for her, one step away to reach her salvation to the promise land where there were no judgmental stares and hateful words. There was no constant guilt that she couldn't be good enough for anyone, that she was but a burden like a thorn on one's side. If she were to simply let go and walk into the waves and never come back she could finally get away from the hurt that her daughter didn't even love her.


"Were you ever worth anything Myrrine?" she asked herself weakly, sniffling and continuing to watch the show of the sand being kicked around by the gentle current. She knew it was stronger the further out one went, but for now this tender embrace was soothing to her aching soul. She wanted to at least be somewhat at peace before she let herself go. That was the one thing she would ask of the Gods and this world, to let her go peacefully. Everyone would be happier once she was finally gone. One of her hooves shifted in discomfort from the seaweed wrapped around her ankle tightly, the heavy stone next to it barely moving from her tug. It would be hard at first to move, but once she found momentum they would happily sink into the sand the deeper she went. All she had to do was just walk in. Yet she remained frigid at the edge of the blue, breathing still heavy and the whites of her eyes red. She was a mess, and she always would be one, because no one saw her as anything else.

Tilney's words had killed her back in the Threshold. He had laced them as if trying to coax a little babe out from hiding, but the gleam in his eyes showed his malice, his intention deep within. Laume had needed help, had needed someone to love her and care for the boo boos she got from her reckless play. She needed a mother, and Myrrine had been none of those. She had been a selfish child that ran away from her problems because it had been easier. Though it hurt her so much, to think of her little babe sitting alone and crying, wanting her mama just to come home, she knew that she couldn't be what little Laume deserved. She deserved something so much better than a dead father and a whore who couldn't keep herself away from men in an emotional state. Tilney would be a good father figure to her. Perhaps Arah would nurse her and their child would be an amazing sibling to her spotted princess. Maybe Laume could have the family Myrrine knew she always wanted. She could be happy, and Myrrine can disappear so she can forget about the disease that had made her suffer so.

"Will I find you Mother? Will you tell me how to be a good parent when I couldn't be? Perhaps abandonment is genetic since my birth mother did the same," she was looking into the sky now, watching the clouds happily roll by as if it wasn't the middle of Frostfall, and she wasn't about to plunge herself deep into the ocean and let the water fill her lungs. A cool, salty breeze blew through her milky tresses, kissed her wet cheeks and filled her senses with ocean and sand, like this was all just a fun day at the beach. Yes, that's what'd she'd tell herself. She was here to have a fun day at the beach, to play in the sand and run along the shoreline before going in for a nice little swim. Taking a deep breath, she looked at the stones by her ankles quietly, wondering if she really needed them. The waves were strong enough to pull her under if she didn't fight it, so perhaps they didn't need to be by her at all. It would make everything go faster she concluded.

Removing the seaweed from her legs she sighed, looking into the sky quietly, sadly, before slowly turning back to the waves before her. She closed her eyes to savor these last moments; the sand beneath her feet, the cry of a loan seagull, the smell of salt and sky and her own tears. She was finally ready, she had said her mental goodbyes to this world, and with a look of determination in her eyes she whispered carelessly into the breeze,"I love you Laume. I will see you soon Quilyan." Without another word she began to walk into the waters, ignoring the biting claws of the icy temperature, and going deeper and deeper to face her doom.

"Talk."

the butterfly is proof that great darkness
can create great beauty