Myrrine

It was cold. So cold that her fur began to numb before she could feel the shivers along her spine. Numb was good. Numb meant she couldn't feel when the end came, that it would be simpler; especially with no one around to interrupt it. It was when the sloshing of water behind her did she finally pause, fighting against the waves now at the bottom of her chest, watery eyes slowly looking behind her to find the person she least expected to find. Of course it would be him. It was always him. When was he not around when she was at her lowest point. He was walking towards her now, letting the water engulf him eagerly, and suddenly she was terrified. No. He wasn't allowed to leave. She was doing this because it was better for everyone else. She was nothing, she was a plague upon Helovia that needed to be vanquished.

But he, no he was worth something. He was loved by all in the Edge, had been their Queen, their confidant. He was there in everyone's life, and if there was no Mauja then there was nothing. He was loved and admired and cared for by many; even the Moon Goddess adored him. Could he not see how much of a blessing he was to everyone? She couldn't let him tarnish that all; couldn't watch him drown in the waves because he simply decided to follow her. Swallowing she turned, letting the current shove her nearly right into him as she attempted to push him back, hazel eyes that were often so gentle with him now hard. With a cry she looked at him stubbornly, brows furrowed because she was angry. Not at him, but what he was trying to do. Grinding her teeth she stared him down, refusing to move in the current that attempted to grab her and have its way with her, finally speaking in a hoarse, raw voice,"You can't be here. You must go Mauja. How long have you been watching me?"

And now the tears were falling again, because she realized out of everyone she should have said goodbye to was Mauja. He had been nothing but kind to her, had given her many a shoulder to cry on, had talked to her about her first time having sex for crying out loud. Even when he saw what it resulted in, he had supported her silently, her rock, her only constant in this hell she was living in. How could she have so selfishly forgotten him? Sniffling and trying to remain angry despite her resolve fading, she could only watch him for so long before breaking down, head lowering just above the water as she sobbed. Her shoulders shook up and down, lifting so much one would think she was rolling them, and she didn't know when she was going to stop. She thought she was over this by now; that she had accepted her fate and was ready to let go.

But then this spotted man came back and she remembered just how much she was going to miss him. She would always cherish him and what he'd done for her, always appreciate the day they first met. On this exact beach. How funny; this would be where they would say their final goodbye. Looking up at him abruptly she stared into his beautiful blue eyes, studied his spiral horn that she had been so fascinated with the first time she saw it, and with a sad, bittersweet smile she continued,"Gods I'm going to miss you Mauja. Did you know that I love you? Not in that stance, that is simply too much for me to comprehend; but I love you so much. Even if you never really talked to me, or let me know why you were always so sad. I've always loved you for you, and I always will."

"Say you'll miss me will you? Even if you're lying; it'll be nice to know that at least someone cared about me before I suffocated on salt water," she was laughing bitterly now, looking back out into the salty blue as the tears began to dry. She was feeling so much better now, yes, this was still the best thing for her to do in the long run. She needed to end this before it all got worse, before she ruined it all for everyone. She wasn't going to let her life destroy others. This needed to end now. Taking a deep breath she looked to Mauja silently, that bitter, half crazed smile on her lips as she quickly gave the speckled man a peck on his cheek, before turning and preparing to dive into the cold depths beneath them.

"Talk."

the butterfly is proof that great darkness
can create great beauty