She didn't know how to describe what she was feeling other than the fact that she hurt. It wasn't anything physical, her legs may have been tired but there was no soreness, her hips may be stiff but certainly not aching. Her body was perfectly fine, and yet deep within there was a pain that she could not entirely describe. She had cried after receiving her gift from the Earth Turtle, because it reminded her that she wasn't getting her little back. It had been months now and her little princess, the love of her life even before Miykael was not around anymore. Whether it was death or choosing to leave, the ivory lass was still grieving. She didn't know which reason would be worse. As she moved with such a shambling gait, not longer caring who or what should see a she made her way along the shoreline as if it were but a hazy dream.

Carl was beside her, wool pressing to ashy coat because he didn't know what else he could do. He was an emotionless creature, filled with little emotions or love for anyone or anything. Yet despite him fighting his mind and instinct, his soul thrummed for December, and whenever she was sad he too, would ache as she did. He would feel her anguish through their bond, and despite him not feeling any organic emotion he would still respond in kind to her own and comfort her as he saw fit. The happier she was the more normal he felt. With eyes of brown looking ahead for both of them so she could instead focus internally, it was his mental image of the beauty she saw ahead before seeing it through her own gaze. Blinking steel eyes she lifted her head slowly, the tears having long dried yet still staining her cheeks with their salty substance.

Her eyes were puffy and red, and if it had been any other day she would have fought to hide her disheveled look. Yet this was not normal, and nothing would be normal again because she was gone and there was nothing she could do about it. She was crumbling to the sands beneath them, body curling in on itself because there was nothing else she could possibly do. Her mind blank, eyes glazed with resignation she only lay in the sunshine, nostrils flaring the only sign of life within her because she was nothing and had failed at everything she had tried to accomplish. She had failed as a mother and lover and everyone she cared for was leaving to her and at this moment in time the only damn person who seemed to tolerate her was a grumpy old bitch who had needed her only for warmth.

Wasn't this what December was meant for anyway? To be used for others' pleasure and at their convenience because her opinion didn't matter? What use was she anyway? She didn't accomplish anything in the Falls. She had tried many things and in the end she had remained useless until she finally left because there was nothing there for her to achieve. Not that she had been helpful otherwise. Then there was her beloved, the man who seemed to see worth in her yet despite this he too was distant, gone and hidden away in his own world and she didn't like it one bit. Why wouldn't he talk to her? Did she do something wrong to him as well? The possibility of him resenting her for the loss of Merialeth was also real and her scared her because if she really did lose him she had no purpose left in this cruel world. She was the monster in the closet that Isara had found her to be all those years ago. She was a shadow, cast away by the sun and not to be seen until the moon rose again. A temporary distraction for others' enjoyment. They had broken their toy and there was no way of fixing her.

"Speech"