She tucks the thought of Ru speaking in the back of her mind, wondering if somewhere in Helovia there was magic that could help the girl. Little does she know Tilney has such magic, in a way. He could at least read her thoughts when something needed to be said. Though that wasn’t the type of solution she wanted anyway. Not really. It was a band aid at best. Having to rely on Tilney for constant interpretation would be impossible. Besides, she can’t imagine a world in which anyone would want their mind being constantly pried into. Her thoughts are hers, and truthfully, if she knew what kind of magic Tilney had, she’d have to be a hell of a lot more careful with those thoughts. They were not always as kind as they should be.

But for now, there’s magic that Lyanna knows of that can help. She wonders if there’s a way to learn how to speak Ru. Maybe. But she doesn’t want to insult the girl either, and when the topic seems to pass and they head into working and talking of the Edge, she lets it drop for now. The conversation turns to her anyway, and the rush and jumble of thoughts comes sliding back in. She’d been thankfully distracted from it all, thinking about Ru instead. That seemed to be the case for her though. She could forget herself, when others were the subject of her thoughts. It was easy. But sometimes there was no one else to think of.

Ru agrees that she’d seen the challenge, and for a moment, Lyanna is silent, not even sure where she meant to begin. What she meant to say. “So you know what happened, that Toulouse tried to push Raeden from a cliff…” she trails, because in the end, though she’s upset about all that, it wasn’t really what had her upset at all. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being stupid.” she shakes her head, but now that she’s talking, the words start to come in a rush. Like they’ve been stuck for far too long tumbling around in her head. Perhaps what Ru feels like all the time.

“I feel responsible for that. I brought Toulouse here, and maybe he wasn’t a good fit for the Edge. I don’t know. Though I guess that’s not my job anymore, but Aly and Tembovu’s. And then…well, I suppose I need to start somewhere else entirely for this to make sense.” She pauses, wondering if she really wants to lay the burden of her past on Ru, who doesn’t deserve it. But at the same time, she trusts Ru, she wants Ru to know her as a good friend would. As Glasgow does.

“I came to Helovia because my brother, mother, and father were murdered. They were the heir apparent, queen, and king of my old homeland. My sister and I fled for our lives, and when we got here, my sister disappeared. My first real season here was Frostfall, and it hasn’t gotten easier. I was already down, and then Gawen sees his mother fighting and it broke my heart because there was nothing I could do. And then Arah swoops in talking only of Tilney and I felt like chop liver. Like my year here has meant nothing. Like there are no second changes at life. Or something.”

Again, she shakes her head, pausing, looking at Ru with those teal eyes which are just open and honest and sad at the moment. Because sometimes it is impossibly tiring to be pretend to be okay when she wasn’t. “Like I said, maybe I’m just being stupid. But I’ll be glad for Birdsong, and the sun, and warm winds for flying.”