She wished she could find a way to not feel the guilt of someone else’s actions. But she had brought him here. Did that make her responsible for him? Could she possibly be responsible for every recruit she found? Once, the answer would have been yes. Once, placing her trust in someone in their court could mean life or death. It had meant life or death for her family. They’d placed their trust in the wrong horses, and look what had happened. How could they have known?

How could see have known?

Maybe, somewhere beneath the surface of Toulouse and Raeden and the Edge, what she was really guilty about was her family. She should have seen it coming. Should have seen sideways glances, or caught conversations that filtered through the forest when no one thought she was listening. Or had there been none of those things? Had they been stealthier than she could have possibly anticipated? Than anyone could have? There were too many unknowns, too many questions she couldn’t answer. Maybe that, in a way, hurt the most.

Ru seems to think that Lyanna isn’t responsible for Toulouse and his actions. She shakes her head and hums a low, dissenting sort of sound. Lyanna finds comfort in that. Comfort too in trying to make sure she’s interpreting Ru’s sounds an actions in the way Ru means them, and not in the way Lyanna simply wants to hear. It starts to bring her back to herself. That version of her that is calm and kind and collected. A trained princess, who’s job was to smile and make small talk and observe. It both hurts and soothes her to come back to that version of herself.

Sometimes, she wonders if she can leave Princess Lyanna behind completely. Can she become someone totally different? But then, does she want to be someone totally different?

Ru offers her a nuzzle and a light coo, and finally, Lyanna just lets it all go. For now, anyway. The ghosts never stay in the grave, as they should. But maybe if they are less hers alone, they will be less present in general. That, or she’s just unloaded a whole lot of crap on a girl who never asked for it. She was here to learn about herbs. “I’m sorry,” she says, shaking her head and with it, the last of her funk. “And here you thought you were going to learn about herbs today.”

At this she laughs, Ru giving her chin a bit of a playful nudge. The light comes back to Lyanna’s eyes finally, and the laugh grows. “When spring come around and we have a few things planted here, I can give you a proper herb lesson. But for reference, there are many ferns in the Edge. They are good for vision if you eat them, or you can make a paste out of the leaves to help heal minor skin wounds. There’s one kind that helps if you…you know, can’t go.” She says this with a laugh, flicking her tail and nodding her nose toward her rump, just in case it’s not obvious.

She pauses, growing serious again for a moment. “I was thinking of traveling to see other Healers in the herds. If I do, would you want me to ask if they have ideas to help you speak? I don’t want to do anything you don’t want, but if I can, I will help.” And then she falls silent, not sure how her friend will take that, but hoping it is not taken in the wrong way.