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03-12-2017, 08:22 AM
EREBOS
They were a unit, one and the same, the blood and the fire, the flames and the smoke. While the fox flexed his claws and dragged through flesh, Erebos bit down and clenched, and together they were a beast and a cretin, inseparable parts of the greater whole (seditious and malicious, vindictive and conspiring). See! Orsino chuckled, hissed, reveled through their connection. Stop feeling sorry for yourself! The plan had worked for a moment, but Erebos didn’t drown in the sensation. Were Wessex his enemy, he would have rejoiced, smirked, snickered, and dared for something more potent, stoked lethality between his veins, called for anarchy, for rebellion, and unleashed the incantations cloaked within his soul. He would’ve laughed and bore down upon her again, called for blow after blow, siege after siege, a tirade, a tyrant, a vessel of treachery and disaster. But she wasn’t an adversary – the soldier was one of his own, and he could only go so far. He didn’t hate her. He didn’t despise her. He didn’t offer oaths and promises to chase her into the regions of Hell. In this hour, she was only an opponent, a comrade in arms, and he had to teach her the finer points of warfare, of strategy, of tactics and schemes – even if all he received in return was pain. Had this been his father’s role in life too? To inflict wounds, to teach, to consult, and have the same ripple of agony thrust upon him? Orsino snarled within their bond, and the prince returned his attentions to the scene, watching her out of the corner of his eye as she aimed to bend her way towards him, intending to return battle favors. He wanted to run, he wanted to skim over the sand, he wanted to blend into the backdrop, but lord, everything hurt. The youth clenched his jaw and grated his teeth, bestowed his own feral hiss as he dug his daggers into the sand, praying his speed would still be enough to outrun her bulkier frame, twisting away, off to the left. To his surprise, it worked, because he didn’t feel her teeth drag down the length of his neck, throw him off-balance, or toss him into the dunes. The kitsune managed to dislodge his figure too without any harm done, landing on the beach with a huff and an eerie, eldritch satisfaction. But there was more to be done – and his gaze narrowed back to her, wondering where to aim, where to strike, how to avoid the rapiers sculpted along her crown. In the short amount of time and space, Orsino was an infidel, rising to his masterful manipulation, shouting and exploiting his rage within their link, laughing, toying; a Machiavellian tirade on the prince. Use magic! He sparked, hissing, feral and sadistic, golden eyes glowing on the warrior girl, like it was the only answer they’d ever need. Erebos had all the opportunities in the world: pain, torment, corruption, flames, infernal traces of blazes, of embers, and the fox thought it was only fitting to bestow them upon the Amazon, inflict more and more and more misery until she fell apart on the beach. But the General wasn’t lured again, striding back, slower, plodding steps, full of tenacity and endurance, forgoing Orsino’s plots (perhaps not a true blend then, each a different coin altogether), reaching down into his soul for another hit, another skirmish, another chapter to the tale of perseverance. He couldn’t buck or kick at her, not with the discomfort and agony still toiling through his hind. The only option left was his horn, the slender blue rapier jutting out from his skull, and he attempted to draw back towards her right. He lowered his cranium, beautiful, blazing cutlass extended, aiming to target her right haunch, to lightly cut, lacerate, and dig into the sinew. Nearby, Orsino still grinned, feral fangs poking out of his mouth, a black Cheshire spirit along the plains of titans. [2/3. 663 words. * Erebos tries to drift away to the left to avoid Wessex’s assault. * When it works, he then fades back to the right, hoping to using his horn and lightly cut at her right haunch.] |
Teaching Notes:
What Went Well:
* Motivations/Emotions: We really saw some sparks of that Wessex personality in your post, and parts that made me laugh. I really liked:
The crux of being a soldier is that sometimes one must take a beating for the sake of education. Their learning curves are full of bruises and broken egos, blood, sweat, and the sound of flesh thudding against flesh. Wessex had been mentally preparing herself to take a decent ass-kicking this time around: her opponent’s habits were unknown, there’s fucking sand everywhere, and she is still unsure of her place with Erebos (which is all in her silly head, not his actions). But as the younger soldier stood on the shore and made a personal resolution to prove she’s a damn good investment and not only that, more skilled than one her age usually was, she never thought luck would favor her this early. This entire paragraph because it gave us some insight into Wessex’s preparations, why she was here, and what she intended to do. Sometimes its difficult to know how they’ll react to situations until we put them in those particular moments, so it’s nice to see Wessex’s reactions to her current trials.
Erebos stumbles in the very sand he’d been so keen to play upon, and if Wessex weren’t fully focused, she would probably laugh. Loudly. In his face. Not out of malice, mind, but because he falls prey to his own trickery. There is something to be said for the cunning warrior, the one who can make split-second decisions and incorporate the environment to the best of their ability. - I laughed too, Wessex. XDDD It’s nice to see she keeps her sense of humor. ;D
Wessex lands and though she may or may not (oh, she does) have a smug expression on her face - it is part of her fatal flaw. She gloats before the battle has hardly begun, she taken a glance from Lady Luck as a sign of her persistent favor, when truly, the beauty is simply letting her gaze slowly travel around the room. - I really enjoyed this part too, because you gave her a weakness. All of our characters should have flaws, and for the most part, many people don’t want to expose them, especially in the midst of battle. But a character becomes much more real when they have faults and imperfections, and you played it very nicely in her reactions, and it gave her that much more depth. It was a way to showcase how her errors might affect her battle-abilities, and it’s something for her to think about overcoming in the future.
* Damage Taking: I thought the way you handled the damage (a roll of 4) was fair. It seemed like you split the difference (so 2 and 2) with Orsino’s attack and Erebos’s attack, which is smart, because she won’t have major wounds to overcome. Keep in mind you can still use the surroundings to your advantage with this too.
To Work On:
* Grammar: Your post didn’t seem as polished this time and I saw some weird tense-shifts throughout. Since you started in present tense, you should stay in present tense for the remainder of the post.
As her head comes back up from its lowered position in her buck, she is confronted by a blue-black body. – You’d be better off completing the sentence with the same tense: like a blue-black body confronts her.
With her attention elsewhere, Erebos took an opportunity to attack and it lands, bringing her focus back to the unicorn in front of her. – Should be Erebos takes.
she taken a glance from Lady Luck as a sign of her persistent favor, when truly, the beauty is simply letting her gaze slowly travel around the room. – This phrase seemed odd to me, like you were missing a portion of the sentence, or a word, at the beginning. So something like: She has taken a glance from Lady Luck.
Just be careful, and always proofread! I know you wanted to get the post up quickly, but you have plenty of time in between spar posts to edit/revise/read your work out loud so you don’t get penalized for grammatical errors.
To Think About:
* Surroundings: Keep utilizing them! Mention them in the way she moves, how she defends, how she attacks.
* Pain: This is something a lot of battling rpers tend to forget – they mention it initially when their character gets hurt, but then it can be forgotten about in later posts. Don’t - use it for realism. Mention her aches and pains as she moves. Mention how the cuts or lacerations hurt. Mention how they might effect her choices (attacking, defending, where to go, how to run, etc.).
@Wessex
