the Rift


walking fortress [vol vs azulee]

Volterra the Indomitable Posts: 785
Dragon's Throat Sultan atk: 8.5 | def: 11.5 | dam: 8.5
Stallion :: Equine :: 17'2hh :: 3 HP: 80 | Buff: SENSE
Vérzés :: Common Red Dragon :: Frost Breath & Toxic Breath & Vadir :: Royal Gold Dragon :: Fire Breath & Shock Breath Snow
#3


Into the thunderbird he slams, his chest having the desired effect and causing her to scramble upon the Throat's shifting sands. Those great wings of hers unfurl, and Volterra is once more taken aback by the sheer size of them. He knows pegasi - indeed, he's bedded them - but he's never seen one with wings as huge as Azulee's. Again, he marvels at the fact she can even get them to work, whilst also admiring their obvious power and possible use as a weapon. He'll need to be careful of them, as they undoubtedly hurt when they strike.

His bite finds its mark and she launches one of her own, but the behemoth flings his head to the left with reflexes borne of constant sparring and hard, sweaty practice. Her teeth whistle just past, and he steers his gaze forwards as the lightning-mare stumbles down to one knee. The stallion's ears pin and he rolls his eyes, but stands his ground and doesn't attack; it's foolish, perhaps, for a warlord as battle-honed as Volterra to not take advantage of his foe's vulnerable position, yet it's that lingering sense of chivalry that he just cannot shake. It's ironic, because when the Indomitable was a boy he'd pictured himself destroying opponents even when they crawled at his feet and begged for mercy. He'd imagined himself as an annihilator of the masses, seizing any advantage that the battlefield could offer him and using it to secure his victory. Colt-Volterra certainly wouldn't have imagined his adult self standing prone and allowing his foe to stand because of some irritating notion of honour.

The adult Volterra knows that he's better than that, though. He doesn't need to resort to underhand techniques in order to win, as tempting as it is to press home his advantage by trying to kick sand in Azulee's face or striking for her head to knock her out and gain an easy victory. No, it's far more satisfying when he allows his foes to stand, look him in the eye, and then defeat them. Honour brings with it battle successes that make the leviathan feel proud to be a warrior, not the hollow victories that would come if he embraced the dark arts.

She scrambles to her feet and still the Indomitable holds his position, his breathing levelling out thanks to the swift rest. Then her right wing appears like a great hammer from the depths of her side, swinging towards him like a savage punch. The beast flinches backwards, causing the wing to deal him a glancing but rather painful blow across the forehead that leaves him seeing stars. He grunts, his ears flat to his head and his eyes blinking furiously to try and clear his momentarily blurred vision. A bruise begins to blossom upon the tight flesh of his forehead, painful and irritating but thankfully not debilitating. It serves to remind him again of the fierce feathered weapons she possesses, and he realises that although they might seem overly large and cumbersome, they are not to be underestimated.

He lunges forward again, propelling himself with the massive bulk of his muscular hindquarters. In a mirror image of his previous attack, he thrusts his chest out to try and slam it firmly into her own, hoping to cause her to stumble once again and bully her with his formidable weight. He's banking on the fact that she might not expect him to use the same attack again so soon, utilising predictability as a weapon rather than a drawback.

She'd appeared to favour her right foreleg when she stood; with his warrior's eye Volterra notices this weakness and seeks to exploit it. His left forehoof flicks lightly forwards, aiming to smack it into Azulee's injured right front leg just below the knee in an attempt to further the damage and pain. He doesn't put too much force into the attack, not wishing to maim his soldier, but he wants it to hurt. He wants to test the thunderbird's limits, to push her to them and to break them. His warriors will be a band of indomitable beasts, overseen by him, the warlord; they will be feared, revered, worshipped. Azulee must be forged into his vision of perfection, so he's not intending to hold back too much.

_______________

Teaching spar for @Azulee

2/3 - 715 words

THE INDOMITABLE

I'M A WHISPER LOST UPON WIND, I'M THE EMBER THAT'LL BURN YOU DOWN
I'M THE WATER THAT'LL DROWN YOU, I'M THE STAR THAT'S JUST A BLACK HOLE NOW
image: naia-art


No worries at all! :)

Prose/grammar/emotion:
Your post was beautiful! I love your use of prose and your sentence structure, and I also didn't spot any typos or grammar errors which is awesome! Getting the writing part of a fight right is half of the battle already won so it's great that you're doing well in this section :)

Attacks:
I loved her wing attack - it was simple, well-written and easy to understand, and using her wings is definitely a good idea as they're a major asset that she has over him!

My only small gripe is regarding her earlier bite attack. It's very unspecific and I wasn't sure if it was even an attack at all or just a throwaway comment. I'd liked to have seen more detail about it, such as where she was aiming for, how forceful she was etc. Also, be careful with your timings. As per my post, both of Vol's attacks - the slam and the bite - are happening simultaneously, however the way it's written in your post, the bite happens before the slam as she has time to take the bite damage and then launch her own bite before he hits her.

It's only a minor thing, but be careful with timings like that, as they can cause deductions for GM/PP :)

Damage taken:
You mention that his bite hits her nose but I couldn't really see any mention of how much damage was caused to her. When taking damage, it's best to be as specific as possible so the judge can make sure you're taking enough for the dice roll. Try to go into detail about whether she's received a bruise or a cut, if it's deep/light, if it'll affect her throughout the fight etc. For a 3 dice roll with Vol's high damage stat you probably don't need to have her injuries be too debilitating, but the bite attack seemed to be really brushed over.

You did well taking the slam attack though! I liked how she stumbled and hurt her leg.

Other:
At the end of your fight post, make sure you put the post number (so it should have been 1/3, to help the battle admin know to roll the dice) and also your word count! You get penalised for going over 800 words, so adding a word count to your posts helps you remember to stay under the limit :)

You made a vague mention of their breed differences but I would have liked to see you go deeper into this. To do this, you're better off going into their profile pages and into the 'fight status' tab, which gives you their base stats. For example, Vol is strength 9, speed 5, agility 6, endurance 6. Azulee is strength 7, speed 6, agility 5, endurance 4. So, surprisingly their strength isn't that much different! You could go into how he's going to be able to land heavier hits and how she'll tire faster due to her endurance. If you also show her beginning to tire towards the end of the fight as well, it'll show that you're using these stats as well :D

I'd have also liked to see some mention of the surroundings, such as the soil underfoot and the heat. It helps to give the reader a good idea of how she's handling the surroundings and also lets the judge know that you're paying attention to where the fight is set. Overall though this was a solid post!

[ you can't stray from what you are, you're the closest thing to hell i've seen so far  ]
[ use of force/magic on him is permitted aside from death/maiming ]





Messages In This Thread
walking fortress [vol vs azulee] - by Volterra - 04-02-2017, 01:17 PM
RE: walking fortress [vol vs azulee] - by Azulee - 04-16-2017, 02:04 PM
RE: walking fortress [vol vs azulee] - by Volterra - 04-23-2017, 02:57 PM
RE: walking fortress [vol vs azulee] - by Blu - 05-23-2017, 11:50 PM

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