the Rift


[JUDGE] night and day [aisha]

Official Posts: 847
Administrator
Stallion :: Equine :: ::
Official
#7




A i s h a | B a c c h u s
- - - - -
By my verdict BACCHUS is the winner.

AISHA -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
+ 1| Horn charge

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

BACCHUS -- post 1

[Realism]
+ 1| Defense: dodge charge
+ 1| Attack: cow-kick
- 1| Attack: haunch bite – she was running by and would be out of range by the time your kicks ended.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AISHA -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: cow kick
+ 1| Defense: kicked in stomach – it’s because he’s close this doesn’t do much damage. Kicks get their power from fully extending.
+ 1| Attack: buck
- 1| Attack: horn rear - if you rear when he’s rearing then he cannot come down onto your horn because your horn is brought up. He is also aiming for your hindend which is nowhere near your horn.
- 1| Defense: dodged bite - the bite should not have missed in the situation you placed yourself in, nor do you describe how or why it missed.
- 1| Attack: buck – don’t understand how you could buck before he bites when you just reared.
+ 1| Attack: buck at head
+ 1| Attack: hoof paw – this seems like an awkward attack, a stomp or dive would have been better.
+ 1| Attack: neck bite

[Prose]
0| Emotion.
0| Flow
0| Easy read

BACCHUS -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: no mention of her cow-kick during his cow-kick
- 1| Defense: no mention of her other buck before they rear
+ 1| Defense: avoid the horn
+ 1| Defense: slight kick in chest
- 1| Defense: no mention of her head kick
+ 1| Defense: pawed
+ 1| Defense: bitten
+ 1| Attack: shoulder ram

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion
+ 1| Flow
+ 1| Easy read

AISHA -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: You attacked rather than defended with you horn.
- 1| Powerplaying: “Taking another step she could feel his flesh, not pierced, but just flesh. She plunged forward, hoping to be able to stab him.” I’m not sure how you could feel flesh that is not pierced, when he is charging at your horn. Either way he has not said that his flesh was pierced, near your horn, or near for you to touch if you’re not being hit by the charge.


AISHA

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You have a good idea of horse fighting and their attacks and defenses, but I think you could use more practice with their positioning and timing. Try researching horse fights a bit and study other fights on this site. You also attacked a bit too much in your posts, which makes it hard to understand and react properly for your opponent and you. Don’t forget to add in more emotion too. Continue working on it and I know you’ll improve.

BACCHUS

[Bonus]
+ 1| Breed
+ 1| Health

[Injuries]
None.

[Creativity]
None.

Comments: You definitely have a good feeling for fighting mechanics, and I enjoyed the emotion you placed in your posts. I would like to see a bit more though, I never felt fully connected to Bacchus and there was a lot of potential with his internal struggle over fighting a unicorn when he’s a slave. Perhaps slow down a bit and read more clearly, as you forgot some of your opponent’s attacks. Remember too to use surroundings to your advantage, or disadvantage!

TOTAL
AISHA - 56
BACCHUS - 61


Image Credit: dirkjankraan @ Flickr


Messages In This Thread
[JUDGE] night and day [aisha] - by Rapha - 12-07-2012, 02:09 PM
RE: night and day [aisha] - by Aisha - 12-07-2012, 04:36 PM
RE: night and day [aisha] - by Rapha - 12-07-2012, 05:35 PM
RE: night and day [aisha] - by Aisha - 12-07-2012, 06:48 PM
RE: night and day [aisha] - by Rapha - 12-07-2012, 09:30 PM
RE: night and day [aisha] - by Aisha - 12-08-2012, 04:28 AM
RE: [JUDGE] night and day [aisha] - by Official - 12-17-2012, 09:20 PM

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