A r c h i b a l d | L o c k e t
- - - - -
By my verdict ARCHIBALD is the winner.

Archibald has been awarded one VP.

ARCHIBALD -- post 1 (attack only)

[Realism]
0| Attack: bite towards shoulder. Good opening attack, but you didn't specify which side you're attacking.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion.
+ 1| Ease of read.
+ 1| Flow: though you had a few grammatical errors, but it didn't impact the flow too much.

---

LOCKET -- post 1

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: rearing up to avoid bite. Given the fact that Archibald is roughly three hands taller than Locket, I'm fairly sure that Locket merely rearing will not put him out of reach/make Archibald miss that easily, as it'll also take him a moment to reach the highest point of his rear.
+ 1| Attack: trying to bite rump.
- 1| Borderline powerplay: when Locket stops, you're assuming Archibald has also stopped, or something, as you write "The unicorn stopped just before the giant and quivered in excitement. A front hoof extending out and pawing at the earth..", while Archibald's post ended with him running. It would've been better to just prance in his direction in an "openly written" kind of fashion, and end the post with that.

[Prose]
+ 1| Emotion.
+ 1| Ease of read.
+ 1| Flow: you had a few shifts in tense, though.

---

ARCHIBALD -- post 2

[Realism]
+ 1| Attack: body slam.
0| Injury: bite. It's taken in a plausible fashion, but you do not describe anything of pain, nor of effects. Does it just pinch the skin, or will it bruise the muscle? Will it make him stiff? etc.
+ 1| Attack: striking the humerus. I did not have any prior knowledge of what the "humerus" is, and you're not supposed to have to google the content to a fight post to understand what is going on. It should've been explained in the post. You could've just said "the lower part of his shoulder" or "aiming for the humerus bone, the lower bone in the shoulder" or something, but since otherwise it was a perfectly realistic and acceptable attack, you will not be penalized.

[Prose]
0| Emotion: on the whole, this post felt a bit dry and mechanic.
+ 1| Ease of read.
+ 1| Flow, though sometimes your wording is a bit choppy, with no smooth transitions between sentences, or start repeated sentences with the same word.

---

LOCKET -- post 2

[Realism]
- 1| Not mentioning Archibald's previous body slam.
+ 1| Defense: rearing away, grazed by the blow.
+ 1| Attack: hit and run bite towards Archi's rump.

[Prose]
0| Emotion: I was on the fence about this post, as a lot of the adjectives you use make me picture him hopping around excitedly, but on the other hand, aside from thought process there was not much presence.
+ 1| Ease of read.
+ 1| Flow: though you did change tense about halfway through.

---

ARCHIBALD -- post 3 (defense only)

[Realism]
- 1| Defense: Locket was attacking your right side, so I don't really understand why you're taking it on the left, as nothing really explains it. However, you took this attack better than the previous bite.

---

ARCHIBALD

[Bonus]
+ 2| Terrain: you incorporated the terrain well in this fight, with the slippery mud and all that.
+ 2| Breed: you were aware of the breed differences, and tried to fight accordingly.

[Injuries]
0| Nothing of note.

[Creativity]
0| Nothing of note.

Comments: Good fight! On the whole, you've got a good grasp on fighting, but your prose could do with a little work. You had a tendency to write in a rather choppy manner, or change tense in the middle of a post. Most of the time your posts consisted of the mechanics of a fight, with not much emotion or presence, so you can definitely work on that!

---

LOCKET

[Bonus]
+ 1| Terrain: you incorporated the terrain well in your first post, but in the second one I feel as if it wasn't mentioned, when the slippy mud would've effect his prancing around to some extent.
+ 2| Breed: you handled the breed differences well for the most part, with Locket's superior speed and agility.

[Injuries]
0| Nothing of note.

[Creativity]
+ 1| Tactic: I really like how he adapted to the situation and developed a "hit and run" tactic.

Comments: Good fight! I really loved how Locket developed a hit-and-run tactic. You've got the base grip of fighting down, so it's just to keep practicing! Try to keep in mind all the elements playing in, from the footing, to wind, sunlight, to make your posts come alive and seem realistic in the given setting.

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TOTAL
Archibald - 60
Locket - 59